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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car bus or train between 1970 and 2000

the graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car bus or train between 1970 and 2000
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The line graph illustrates the millions of public transport users in the UK over the period of the past 60 years i.e., 1970 to 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph shows an increase for
trains
Use synonyms
 and cars but a steady decline for buses. In 1970, cars had the highest number of commuters (5
million
Use synonyms
) and remained steady until 1980. It accelerated sharply to 7
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and continued to grow since
then
Linking Words
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, throughout the entire period, cars remained
as
Change preposition
apply
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the top choice of transport in the UK and by 2030, it is estimated to reach 9
million
Use synonyms
 passengers.
Although
Linking Words
trains
Use synonyms
 held the lowest number of users in 1970 with only 2
million
Use synonyms
, it gradually rose to 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Also
Linking Words
, it remained constant for the next decade but increased rapidly to just over 5
million
Use synonyms
 consumers by 2030.
In contrast
Linking Words
, buses started at a higher value than
trains
Use synonyms
 with 4
million
Use synonyms
 commuters but failed to stay popular in comparison to
trains
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the numbers gradually decreased over the decades to the lowest value being just under 3
million
Use synonyms
 by 2030.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words trains, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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