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Band 6

Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #fashion #industry #effect #people’s #lives
There is an opinion asserting that the
industry
 in the realm of
fashion
 negatively impacts the quality of individuals’ lives.
While
 there can be possible drawbacks, it is argued that
this
industry
 is extensively beneficial regarding employment and economic opportunities. The main disadvantage of the
fashion
industry
 is that people may decide to purchase clothes with various designs and brands, as a role of statue.
In other words
, people are less likely to invest their personal budget on other necessities,
such
 as houses, vehicles, and university costs.
As a consequence
, despite many other factors having a role to play, it is possible that a failure occurs to achieve goals both personally and professionally.
Moreover
, were the
fashion
 manufacturers to advertise their products to exaggerate their quality, it would be possible to attract the customers’ attention widely,
thus
 making people more materialistic, albeit in the long run. Notwithstanding, indisputably, the
fashion
industry
 is associated with several benefits. The first merit is the aid in preserving the cultural heritage of a nation because the
fashion
industry
 can produce outfits with traditional and ethical designs. Ergo, they can be introduced effectively to both local and international societies.
Furthermore
, considering that dress codes designed by the
fashion
industry
 can be exported overseas,
this
industry
 is taken as a vital source of income for a country, followed by economic growth. Ultimately, requiring large human resources for various sectors,
this
industry
 creates numerous employment opportunities, leading to a higher number of employed individuals in countries. In conclusion,
although
 a few disadvantages may be recognised for the
fashion
industry
, it is highly crucial to consider the high economic benefits. Put it clearly, since a great number of factories in other fields have provided youngsters with well-paid occupations, why should the
fashion
industry
 be any different?
Submitted by ali.m.mohammdianb on

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coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer and more focused argument, providing specific evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the prompt and present a clear position on the impact of the fashion industry on people's lives.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve the quality of your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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