IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well

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The age between 13-19 are the ages that
the
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apply
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children
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 tend to learn new things and have the enthusiasm to experience new things and go on adventures. So, there are people who tend to believe that teenagers should be given unpaid
community
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work
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 during their free
time
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 which can result in a flourished and developed
community
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. I
also
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 agree
on
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with
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 the above-mentioned statement that
this
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 can motivate teenagers to gain benefits for themselves
and
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apply
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as well as
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 for the
community
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.
To embark
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Embark
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 on, doing social and
community
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 can easily benefit
the
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apply
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personality development at a young age. During the period of
community
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work
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, the
children
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 tend to meet different individuals and tend to
work
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in
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on
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 different projects
therefor
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therefore
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, it leads to
polish
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polishing
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 their networking, organization, management, negotiation and communication
skills
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. As an example, if they are organizing a
community
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 event, there are several aspects to look into
such
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 as event planning, coordination,
fund raising
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fundraising
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, event management etc. In
such
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events
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events,
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 the
children
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 get exposed in a practical environment and they tend to learn new
skills
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while
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 at
work
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. These
skills
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 benefit them in the long run in their lives. Apart from these, working in
community
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work
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, they get exposed to life values
such
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 as tolerance, patience, team spirit,
leadership
Correct word choice
and leadership
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. Young minds like these are the
back bone
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backbone
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 of the country
therefor
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therefore
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, they can learn so many things without going in the wrong path by wasting
time
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.
While
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 working and developing these
skills
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 these teenagers will be able to be confident and self-satisfied about themselves.
However
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, there can be drawbacks as well. If the
children
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 do not
time
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 manage themselves
along with
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the
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their
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 studies, the pressure from school, parents and teachers will be
more
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greater
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.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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, the
children
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 should manage their
time
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 without disturbing their studies.
To conclude
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, I believe the notion of a teenager working unpaid during their free
time
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indeed
Add a missing verb
is indeed
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 a good opportunity
to
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for
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 the
children
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 to learn and explore with proper monitoring to avoid pressure for school studies.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger conclusion by summarizing your main points.
grammatical range accuracy
Check the consistency of tenses throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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