The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. Agree or disagee?

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The environment in which
children
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grow up plays a crucial role in their development.
However
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, technological advancements have made a significant impact on our
lives
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as well have made us
more free
Correct word choice
freer
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.
In other words
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, the availability of a diverse set of activities that we can engage
provides
Change preposition
in provides
show examples
us with more
freedom
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and flexibility compared to previous generations. Indeed, I firmly believe all of these changes nowadays have had a positive influence on
children
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’s
lives
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. In the following, I will elaborate on
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
why I believe that. One of the most crucial factors that contribute to
children
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being more intelligent and more productive is they are
more free
Replace the words
freer
show examples
to choose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
ways of
learning
Add an article
the learning
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process,
Hence
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,
this
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flexible
way
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motivates
children
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to engage more, accelerating their learning abilities.
However
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, if we force
children
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with a specific
way
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of learning, as in previous generations, it is may not suitable for some
children
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, limiting the ability of
children
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to learn more effectively. In fact,
this
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kind of flexibility has a more profound on
children
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’s personalities and capabilities. I believe
children
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nowadays learn more rapidly compared with previous generations as there are diverse
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
of teaching ways, and
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
are more free to choose their preferred learning approaches.
Furthermore
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, the existence of substantial numbers of entertainment
also
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plays a vital role.
Children
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are more free to select their admired ways of
engagements
Fix the agreement mistake
engagement
show examples
and more flexible
to try
Change preposition
in trying
show examples
a wide range of recreational activities.
This
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allows
children
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to explore more and discover what activities that suit them best.
This
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way
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boosts self-confidence and helps them make important decisions about critical life situations.
In contrast
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,
children
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who do not have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
freedom
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to select at
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
exercises. may struggle to make important decisions in their
lives
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and often rely on their parents to select for them.
To conclude
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,
freedom
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offers advantages,
such
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as enhancing
children
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’s learning abilities by allowing them to choose the most effective
way
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of learning. It
also
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boosts their self-confidence and teaches them how to make vital decisions in their future
lives
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.
Hence
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, I firmly believe
freedom
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has significantly improved the
lives
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of today’s
children
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.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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