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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that young people are more influenced by their friends than parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, some claim that the elderly affect the behaviour of youngsters the most. I am not supportive of
this
Linking Words
 statement, putting forward that their
peers
Use synonyms
 influence them the deepest. It is true that schooling and parenting help mould people’s characters as they spend most of their time with teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
 who are often considered role models by youths. They reckon that those elders have their own life experiences and tend to mimic them in their routines.
For example
Linking Words
, if their
parents
Use synonyms
 demonstrate great manners with other people and
thus
Linking Words
 have a remarkable international relationship, children will learn to be polite from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers can reward and criticize their children, motivating youngsters to follow their instructions to regulate children’s behaviour. Youths’ minds will be influenced dramatically.
However
Linking Words
, it is their
peers
Use synonyms
 that play the dominant role in the development of
teenagers
Use synonyms
. Actually, society is developing at a staggering speed, creating a considerable generation gap between the elders and juveniles. So
teenagers
Use synonyms
 may suppose the words of the elders are kind of old-fashioned and refuse to follow them.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the cognitions of their
peers
Use synonyms
 and themselves are quite similar, and one’s friends could think of his position. They may consider that their suggestion is more reliable.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can be affected by the environment. During school time, classmates will create an atmosphere for students to immerse in and affect their behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, when entering a classroom with many students studying silently, youngsters tend to keep quiet and study as others do. In a nutshell, though
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers have superior life experiences,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are still influenced the deepest by their
peers
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to provide more clear and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance the logical flow and make the essay more cohesive.
content
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
structure
The essay is well-structured, with each paragraph discussing a distinct point related to the main argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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