Some people say that young people are more influenced by their friends than parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, some claim that the elderly affect the behaviour of youngsters the most. I am not supportive of this
statement, putting forward that their peers
influence them the deepest.
It is true that schooling and parenting help mould people’s characters as they spend most of their time with teachers and parents
who are often considered role models by youths. They reckon that those elders have their own life experiences and tend to mimic them in their routines. For example
, if their parents
demonstrate great manners with other people and thus
have a remarkable international relationship, children will learn to be polite from their parents
. Moreover
, parents
and teachers can reward and criticize their children, motivating youngsters to follow their instructions to regulate children’s behaviour. Youths’ minds will be influenced dramatically.
However
, it is their peers
that play the dominant role in the development of teenagers
. Actually, society is developing at a staggering speed, creating a considerable generation gap between the elders and juveniles. So teenagers
may suppose the words of the elders are kind of old-fashioned and refuse to follow them. By contrast
, the cognitions of their peers
and themselves are quite similar, and one’s friends could think of his position. They may consider that their suggestion is more reliable. Moreover
, teenagers
can be affected by the environment. During school time, classmates will create an atmosphere for students to immerse in and affect their behaviour. For example
, when entering a classroom with many students studying silently, youngsters tend to keep quiet and study as others do.
In a nutshell, though parents
and teachers have superior life experiences, teenagers
are still influenced the deepest by their peers
.Submitted by christianwang on
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task achievement
Try to provide more clear and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance the logical flow and make the essay more cohesive.
content
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, making it easy for the reader to understand your position.
structure
The essay is well-structured, with each paragraph discussing a distinct point related to the main argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite