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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Because of secondary sources such as books, movies, and the Internet, people can learn about a foreign culture without visiting a foreign country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, some individuals reckon that
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to visit a foreign
country
Use synonyms
 to learn about their
cultures
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 since we have a variety of
resources
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.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that we have to visit different countries in person to experience their own
cultures
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. I totally agree with the former opinion as we are able to use various kinds of sources easily and save our budget.
To begin
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 with, there are plenty of
resources
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 related to a foreign
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country'
Correct your spelling
country cultures
cultures
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such
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 as online materials, books, videos, films and so on. When
people
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 utilize those things, they are able to expand
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
 of interesting
cultures
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.
For example
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, there has been
YouTube
Correct article usage
a YouTube
show examples
 channel named Happy Traveling where
people
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 can find useful videos regarding numerous
countries'
Correct your spelling
countries
cultures
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. it already has 100
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 subscribers and a lot of positive
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
.
This
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 means that
people
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 who want to acquire diverse
cultures
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 have been learning about it online conveniently.
In addition
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,
people
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 might be able to save their budgets,
utilizing
Change preposition
by utilizing
show examples
 secondary sources. In fact, if individuals visit another
country
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 in person, they have to spend a lot of money on their traveling
such
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 as flight fees,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, transport and many more.
However
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, when
people
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 use online
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
, they do not need to waste their budgets.
According to
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 news, when
people
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 travel abroad, they are likely to spend at least $3,000.
In contrast
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,
people
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ususally
Correct your spelling
usually
 spend almost $100 to acquire
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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information related to
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cultures
Correct article usage
the cultures
show examples
 of different countries by using secondary
resources
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. In conclusion, it is evident that there have been many opportunities for
people
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 to learn about a foreign
country
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 because of a number of
resources
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion since we have been utilizing many materials including the Internet and saving money wisely.

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
coherence cohesion
Add a concluding paragraph to summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and word choice to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • authentic experiences
  • broad understanding
  • general knowledge
  • societal norms
  • sensory immersion
  • personal experiences
  • cultural education
  • depth and accuracy
  • biases
  • oversimplifications
  • outdated information
  • first-hand experiences
  • foster deeper connections
  • nuances of everyday life
  • stereotypes
  • misunderstandings
  • blended learning approach
  • foundational knowledge
  • cultural understanding
  • comprehensively
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