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Band 7.5

In many countries people have to go away from their family and friends to find work. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #friends #work #outweigh
It is quite common these days for people around the world to go away from their family and
friends
 to find a job. It is my belief that the positive effects of
this
 innovation could certainly outweigh its disadvantages. There are several drawbacks to working in a strange place which is not their hometown. A common problem is that lonely feelings will often come to the employees after working hours. When the
workers
 are busy in working places, they focus hardly on their jobs.
Therefore
, they don't have
time
 to think of themselves or anything else which is irrelevant to their jobs.
However
, when going home after work, the
workers
 will stay alone in their accommodation without family members or
friends
. At that
time
, finding a person to share stories in life was a challenging issue. I believe that special occasions like birthdays, Christmas or New Year will be their most upsetting
time
 because they won't have any warm celebrations with relatives. Another negative aspect can be that the employees will fall into dangerous situations if they
are in
Verb problem
have
show examples
 serious symptoms
such
 as heart attack or high blood pressure. It is sure that people's sickness can be worse day by day as no one can look after them.
However
, in spite of these negative effects, working away from family can bring about important benefits. One obvious advantage is that
this
 is a good opportunity for
workers
 to develop their careers because they don't have to spend
time
 for caring family members or close
friends
.
As a result
, people can attend courses or self-study in their free
time
.
Therefore
, they can certainly expand their knowledge or improve their majors. Another positive effect can be that the
workers
 can
also
 understand another culture or geography which belongs to working places. In my opinion, real-life experiences are always more worthy than knowledge in textbooks.
Moreover
, it is believed that the staff can widen their circle of
friends
 and relationships in new places. It is my belief that all the advantages which are mentioned above will make the employees' life colourful. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential benefits of working away from family are more worthwhile than the possible dangers.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structures for accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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