IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Obviously,
children
Use synonyms
's
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a huge problem in many countries today.
Consequently
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, many people can think that
this
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 problem should be the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 responsibility. But, in my opinion, it is not true, we can not deny
parents
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 responsibility for their
children
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's health. When the
children
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 are very small, they more depend on their
parents
Use synonyms
. Admittedly,
food
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 and
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 are created
in
Change preposition
at
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 a very young age, at
age
Add an article
an age
the age
show examples
 when
children
Use synonyms
 are
more close
Replace the words
closer
show examples
 to their
parents
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.
Therefore
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, the main reason which can support my opinion is that only
parents
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 can decide how to
orginize
Correct your spelling
organise
children
Use synonyms
's life
includinhg
Correct your spelling
including
 their activities. Even if the
government
Use synonyms
 provide a variety of activities, but
parents
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 don'
t
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 use these options and won'
t
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 involve their
children
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 in them, it does not matter how much effort a
government
Use synonyms
 will take.
Besides
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, the other cause why only
parents
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responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for their
children
Use synonyms
's
obesity
Use synonyms
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due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
's
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. Of course, many people could say that a
government
Use synonyms
 can organize education in
nutricion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
,
Correct word choice
and health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 propagation, but if
children
Use synonyms
's
parents
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preffered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 junk
food
Use synonyms
 they will teach their
children
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 to eat it too.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 they can ruin
children
Use synonyms
's health at a very young age and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
. We can see some families where all of the family members have an
obesity
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, they eat much, they like junk
food
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, they don'
t
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 like
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active games or
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. In conclusion, the point I want to make is
this
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: our life and our
cjhildren's
Correct your spelling
children's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 are our responsibility, and we don'
t
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 need
blame
Fix the infinitive
to blame
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 that we were lazy and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
bad
food
Use synonyms
 habits. For the requirements gathering
sessions
Add a comma
sessions,
show examples
SME
Fix the agreement mistake
SMEs
show examples
 from every respective department must be involved. As
this
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 project is internal for EPAM, sharing knowledge must be easier and more flexible, so I would just search for possible experts in the discovery preparation phase and invite them or their trusted delegates.
Thus
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, the main focus would be on actually working on deliverables. we should invite somebody who is
responcible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for the budget.
Submitted by yarinka13 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
What to do next:
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