IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #places #culture #books #films #internet
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In modern society, there are many ways to learn about other cultures through books, films, and the Internet.
As a result
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, it is optional to visit different locations. It is not the best option,
although
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 other methods can gain local knowledge. For one thing,
people
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 visit other
places
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 to get more local
culture
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:If any magazine does not include all the details, the authors write themselves, but the
culture
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 probably needs to be improved.There are many fun activities in the travel place, and if you can go there, you will gain a particular knowledge.You must go there and eat local delicious food.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 go to different
places
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 to visit, they will improve local business, the government will have more money, and they will protect more cultural
places
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. For one thing, many films are made using local cultural museums. Another reason for
this
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 opinion is that some pictures are taken photos in
culture
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 building.
Last
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 but not least, many story details describe domestic famous cultural content.
Nevertheless
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, books, films, and the Internet can help
people
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 know more about other
places
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. In conclusion,
people
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 travel so that we can know more, and at the same time, more money can protect more history and
culture
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 so that the writer can write them to the media; even so, other
places
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' cultures get them very quickly.
Submitted by erichardxin on

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task response
Ensure that the examples provided directly support the main points and are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more organized and logically connected structure for the essay. Use clear transition words to connect ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively. Use more precise and sophisticated language.
grammatical range
Review and practice the use of complex grammatical structures, accurately use verb tenses, and ensure subject-verb agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • authentic experiences
  • diverse perspectives
  • comprehensive
  • historical context
  • facilitates
  • sensory and emotional depth
  • holistic understanding
  • cultural bias
  • stereotypes
  • discernment
  • virtual reality
  • convenience of access
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