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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows consumers’ average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010.

The graph below shows consumers’ average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010.
#consumers’ #expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services #america
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The line graph below illustrates how users spend money on
cell
Use synonyms
phones
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, national and international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 annually in the US for 10
years
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.
It is clear that
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
cell
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phones
Use synonyms
 during the 10
years
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 increased
while
Linking Words
 the national
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly and international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
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 almost remained unchanged. In detail, in 2001 people spent about 700
dollars
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 to use national
fixed-line
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services
Use synonyms
 yearly
whileexpenditure
Correct your spelling
while expenditure
 on international
fixed-line
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 and mobile phone
services
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 accounted for 250 and 200
dollars
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 respectively.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the cost of using international
fixed-line
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 and
cell
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phones
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 by people increased moderately until 2003 and reached about 300
dollars
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.
However
Linking Words
, the popularity of using the national
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 went up and the charge was almost 600
dollars
Use synonyms
 annually. In 2006,
expenditure
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 on mobile phone
services
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 rose remarkably and reached about 500
dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 using the national
fixed line
Add a hyphen
fixed-line
show examples
 decreased significantly and reached approximately 500
dollars
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the cost of international
fixed-line
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services
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 between 2004 and 2001 remained unchanged.
Finally
Linking Words
, the average annual
expenditure
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 on national
fixed-line
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 decreased continuously in 5
last
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 more people wanted to use
cell
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phones
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 during the
last
Linking Words
 five
years
Use synonyms
 and
expenditure
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 reached more than 750
dollars
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cell, phones, fixed-line, years, expenditure, services, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • expenditure
  • annual
  • fixed-line services
  • consumer preferences
  • technological advancements
  • economic factors
  • speculate
  • trends
  • notable change
  • shifts in consumer behavior
  • innovation
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