IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #cities #people #world #government
People
 around the world are now immigrating from their original countries to many cosmopolitan cities
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
diversity
Correct article usage
the diversity
show examples
 we
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big cities.
This
 could be a concern to the
government
 since they have to keep the peace between each
people
 with
diverent
Correct your spelling
different
divergent
 ethnicity or nationality. Cities with high diversity are often dominated by the
government
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is picking a side with majorities of the ethnic there.
This
 can be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minorities since their voice is not listened
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
 the
government
.
People
 can feel unsafe and
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatened
show examples
 by the
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 of the
government
 if they
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 to act
this
 way.
Moreover
,
people
 can start to leave the city and the
probality
Correct your spelling
probability
 of city growth will
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 down. The most effective way to maintain the relationship between
people
 with different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 by the
government
 is to promote high tolerance with each other. With
this
 action, the
government
 can respect nationalities around the world so they do not feel left behind. They can
also
 promote the
culture
 of each ethnicity
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 can make
people
 understand and study more about
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
For instance
, the
government
 can make an event where
people
 with different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 show their
culture
 in food culinary event.
People
 can bring or make their traditional food from their hometown and share
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 others. In summary, the
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 of each ethnicity and nationalities around the world should be respected by any person. The
government
 can be the mediator to start the resolution for the purpose of
people
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 peacefully.
Submitted by gabriellakarin_ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: