The number of endangered species has increased significantly in this century and we find more mass extinctions in this period than in any other period of time. State some reasons for this and provide possible solutions.

Species
getting endangered have risen in numbers
this
century, and it’s more than
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
other century in the past. There are two main causes, increasing human encroachment in
wildlife
areas and killing wild
species
for their personal and economic benefits. Possible solutions would be to have
an urban developments
Correct the article-noun agreement
an urban development
urban developments
show examples
highly scrutinized by the government and enforce strict punishments to the poachers. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
for
rise
Add an article
the rise
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in
species
getting endangered is human selfishness and the desire to take on more land. Owing to the rising population and the need for additional land to cater to
ever-increasing
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the ever-increasing
an ever-increasing
show examples
demand for housing and urban infrastructure, justifies the need to cut
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
for human habitat. In India,
for instance
, the sole Asiatic lion
species
was on
verge
Correct article usage
the verge
show examples
of extinction because human developmental projects were displacing lions out of their natural ecology, leading to disturbance in
food
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the food
show examples
chain and in the long run, leading to more deaths.
This
can be tackled with strict rules enforced by governments to not allow developments in
wildlife designated
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wildlife-designated
show examples
zones, which is the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
wildlife
survival without affecting their food chain. Another major reason that needs to be considered is human motives to satisfy their personal needs and maintain their status symbols. These days,
majority
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the majority
show examples
of health and beauty products contain extract of
animals
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animal
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products which eventually is the leading reason for
dwindling
Correct article usage
the dwindling
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wildlife
population and at times making it
endanered
Correct your spelling
endangered
and
exinct
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
For example
, in developing countries, animals like tigers and elephants are poached for making clothes, jewellery and rugs which
acts
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act
show examples
a
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as a
show examples
symbol of royalty. One way
this
can be addressed by
government
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the government
show examples
is to enforce stricter rules and punishments to the poachers and develop understanding using school education.
Additionally
,
wildlife
sanctuary
,
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apply
show examples
and state park needs to be highly regulated and policed to catch the
perpetuators
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perpetrators
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of crime. In conclusion, the rise in endangered
species
is caused mainly
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans requiring to satisfy their selfish needs of urban development and their needs of jewellery and beauty products extracted from animal byproducts.
Government
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The government
show examples
would need to put a check on permissions for new land development projects,
while
at the same time
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
stricter punishments for violators in
wildlife designated
Add a hyphen
wildlife-designated
show examples
zones.
Submitted by harshdpatel3443 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state the reasons and solutions in the introduction.
task achievement
Develop your main points further and provide more specific examples and evidence.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary and expressions.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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