IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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It is well-known that eating habits play an important role in the
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 of a nation. Nowadays a growing part of the population
suffer
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suffers
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 from
diseases
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 associated with the consumption of
food
Use synonyms
 high in calories, which has led to the conclusion by governments to impose a higher tax on
this
Linking Words
 type of consumer goods. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a brilliant decision and should be
played
Verb problem
put
show examples
 in action in every country of the world to reduce metabolic
diseases
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
metabolic
diseases
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 related to eating habits
such
Linking Words
 as type 2 diabetes, hypertension and obesity
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 up a lot of a country's
health
Use synonyms
 budget.
For example
Linking Words
, governments have to pay not just for medication but for exams, complication costs, hospitalization and mortality expenses which many patients could not afford by themselves. More so, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 public
health
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 does not
exits
Correct your spelling
exist
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 or is not good enough so people have to get
a
Remove the article
apply
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private insurance.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is usually cheaper than organic and healthy
food
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 which explains why a bigger portion of consumers constantly buy these
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
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 products. As an example, a bag of chips in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States can cost less than a dollar,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 a single banana usually is around $1.50 in some places. If a tax is added to
high caloric
Add a hyphen
high-caloric
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 there would be a reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sales leading to more clients searching for
better quality
Add a hyphen
better-quality
show examples
 products. In conclusion, adding a tax on fast
food
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 makes it a challenge for people to consume unhealthy
food
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 and reduces the prevalence of metabolic
diseases
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 which yearly takes a toll
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the budget of a nation
while
Linking Words
 improving
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 and reducing mortality.
Submitted by lily.pdr15 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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