Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing, martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?
It is argued that
sport
Change the noun form
sports
activities
like boxing or martial arts
are cruel and should be forbidden on television and international
competitions. I totally disagree with that statement , my opinion is Change preposition
in international
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
,
because Remove the comma
apply
such
activities
could reduce the number of crimes and also
is good for physical and mental health
.
To begin
with, nowadays,majority
of Correct article usage
the majority
population
Add an article
the population
believe
that watching and taking part in Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
a
martial Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
arts
can increase level
of violence and should be restricted on TV and national championships. I think, Add an article
the level
otherwise
, watching or taking part in that kind of activities
, especially among youngsters, could minimise Fix the agreement mistake
activity
level
of crime. Add an article
the level
Moreover
, it is scientifically proofed
, that if an individual Replace the word
proven
spend
his energy and emotions attending Change the verb form
spends
sport
Change the noun form
sports
activities
, he won't have a
desire to fight in real life. Change the article
the
On the contrary
, if a person accumulates negative emotions and aggression and have
no place Change the verb form
has
where
to spend it , he could start fighting with innocent Rephrase
apply
people
.
Also
, that
Correct determiner usage
those
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
activities
are good for physical and mental health
. Today, majority
of Correct article usage
the majority
people
have really
busy lifestyle,Add an article
a really
a
lot of issues to solve , so, the Correct word choice
and a
level
of stress is very high. On this
occasion, it is important to minimise the stress , boxing or mortal arts
could be a very good solution to calm person's
mind and become more relaxed. Correct article usage
a person's
Also
, such
activities
are good for Correct article usage
a persons
persons
physical Change noun form
person's
health
and coordination. Especially for kids, to improve coordination skills and to strengthen the skeleton and muscles.
In conclusion, although
some people
believe that boxing and mortal arts
should be banned, my opinion is opposite
, governments should Correct article usage
the opposite
to
think Change the verb form
apply
how
to support that Change preposition
about how
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
,
because they have Remove the comma
apply
positive
influence on Add an article
a positive
people
's mental and physical health
and help to reduce level
of crime.Add an article
the level
Submitted by tatjana040792 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the question, presenting a well-structured argument in favor of sports involving violence. However, ensure that the opposing viewpoint is adequately addressed and countered to provide a balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally coherent, but the essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next and that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument and provide a cohesive framework for the essay.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!