Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing, martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
like boxing or martial
arts
are cruel and should be forbidden on television and
international
Change preposition
in international
show examples
competitions. I totally disagree with that statement , my opinion is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
such
activities
could reduce the number of crimes and
also
is good for physical and mental
health
.
To begin
with, nowadays,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that watching and taking part in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
martial
arts
can increase
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
of violence and should be restricted on TV and national championships. I think,
otherwise
, watching or taking part in that kind of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
, especially among youngsters, could minimise
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
of crime.
Moreover
, it is scientifically
proofed
Replace the word
proven
show examples
, that if an individual
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
his energy and emotions attending
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
, he won't have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
desire to fight in real life.
On the contrary
, if a person accumulates negative emotions and aggression and
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
no place
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to spend it , he could start fighting with innocent
people
.
Also
,
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
activities
are good for physical and mental
health
. Today,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
people
have
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
busy lifestyle,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
lot of issues to solve , so, the
level
of stress is very high. On
this
occasion, it is important to minimise the stress , boxing or mortal
arts
could be a very good solution to calm
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
mind and become more relaxed.
Also
,
such
activities
are good for
Correct article usage
a persons
show examples
persons
Change noun form
person's
show examples
physical
health
and coordination. Especially for kids, to improve coordination skills and to strengthen the skeleton and muscles. In conclusion,
although
some
people
believe that boxing and mortal
arts
should be banned, my opinion is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
, governments should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
to support that
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
influence on
people
's mental and physical
health
and help to reduce
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
of crime.
Submitted by tatjana040792 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the question, presenting a well-structured argument in favor of sports involving violence. However, ensure that the opposing viewpoint is adequately addressed and countered to provide a balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally coherent, but the essay lacks a strong introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next and that the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument and provide a cohesive framework for the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • combat sports
  • glorification of violence
  • impressionable audiences
  • cultural heritage
  • self-discipline
  • sportsmanship
  • media portrayal
  • regulatory measures
  • censorship
  • psychological impact
  • broadcasting regulations
  • watershed timing
  • advocates and opponents
  • ethical considerations
  • economic implications
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