Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prisoner sentence. others think that there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
believe that the best method to lower
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate is to make prisoner
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
longer.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
believe that there are other methods that can be effective to lower the
crime
rate. In my opinion, I believe that long prison
sentences
are not
ideal
Add an article
an ideal
the ideal
show examples
solution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Since the prisoner will get mental problems. On the one hand, long prison
sentences
will prevent prisoners
to get
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
in contact with other criminals which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
crime
rate. The key to
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
crime
is motivation, and motivation comes from partners.
Therefore
,
judge
Fix the agreement mistake
judges
show examples
can cut
this
kind of relationship by applying long prison
sentences
, which eventually benefit the country and prevent crimes
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
. In my viewpoint, I believe
this
method can cause mental health issues
such
as
anxeity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
which is not ideal, it may cause
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of crimes in the future when the prisoners get free after
the
Change the word
their
show examples
long sentence.
On the other hand
, solutions
such
as
community
work can be more effective.
Community
work will impact the guilty people by giving them reasons to improve their society. When they
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
out their crimes
hurts
Correct subject-verb agreement
hurt
show examples
their
community
, they will immediately stop. USA and some countries now started to know the outcomes of
community
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
for the prisoners, and these countries plan voluntary work
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for the guilty people. Personally, I support
this
method because
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
not only
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
but
also
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
the
community
. In the end, relationships between criminals will be cut with long prisoner
sentences
.
However
, voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
can be more effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
.
Additionally
,
community
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
can improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Sufficient examples and arguments provided.
coherence and cohesion
Clear progression of ideas, but work on the introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: