IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to prevent people from smoking is to impose high taxes on tobacco products. In this way, people will be less likely to develop a long-term addiction to smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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At the present moment, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
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 who
smoke
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 increased significantly. One said the best way to anticipate
this
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 issue is to
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 high taxes on tobacco products. In my opinion,
this
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 is the right thing to do since it can reduce the
number
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 of
people
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 who
smoke
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. Nowadays, it can be found that many tobacco products are still at a low price and
this
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 means society can consume them at their pleasure. By putting high taxes on the product, some class will rethink their decision since it has a high price.
For instance
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, lower
middle class
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middle-class
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 consumers will not purchase any cigarette
due to
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 the fact of raised
charge
Fix the agreement mistake
charges
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. Giving a huge tariff on cigarettes, not only be a problem
to
Change preposition
for
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 these
people
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 but
also
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young
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for young
show examples
 buyers seeing it will be a financial burden for their parents. If they keep consuming,
therefore
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, they can not survive with their main expenses.
Moreover
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, the cut will
be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 the availability of the products so fewer clients will buy them.
On the other hand
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, individuals in upper middle income may still have the potency to continue smoking despite high taxes. Considering the fact that they already have a stable income, they can enjoy the product as a recreation good.
This
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 means some
people
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 will continue to
smoke
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 effortlessly
due to
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 the reason that they can afford it easily.
Although
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, it will still
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 the
number
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 of
people
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 who
smoke
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.
To conclude
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, raising the tax on tobacco potentially decreases the
number
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 of
people
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 who
smoke
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although
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 some may still continue smoking.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • impose high taxes
  • tobacco products
  • prevent
  • people
  • smoking
  • long-term addiction
  • less likely
  • develop
  • discourage
  • affordable
  • reduce
  • availability
  • market
  • financial burden
  • deter
  • young people
  • start
  • generate revenue
  • government
  • invest
  • anti-smoking campaigns
  • healthcare services
  • continue
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