IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to prevent people from smoking is to impose high taxes on tobacco products. In this way, people will be less likely to develop a long-term addiction to smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #taxes #tobacco #products #addiction
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At the present moment, the
number
 of
people
 who
smoke
 increased significantly. One said the best way to anticipate
this
 issue is to
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 high taxes on tobacco products. In my opinion,
this
 is the right thing to do since it can reduce the
number
 of
people
 who
smoke
. Nowadays, it can be found that many tobacco products are still at a low price and
this
 means society can consume them at their pleasure. By putting high taxes on the product, some class will rethink their decision since it has a high price.
For instance
, lower
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 consumers will not purchase any cigarette
due to
 the fact of raised
charge
Fix the agreement mistake
charges
show examples
. Giving a huge tariff on cigarettes, not only be a problem
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these
people
 but
also
young
Change preposition
for young
show examples
 buyers seeing it will be a financial burden for their parents. If they keep consuming,
therefore
, they can not survive with their main expenses.
Moreover
, the cut will
be affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 the availability of the products so fewer clients will buy them.
On the other hand
, individuals in upper middle income may still have the potency to continue smoking despite high taxes. Considering the fact that they already have a stable income, they can enjoy the product as a recreation good.
This
 means some
people
 will continue to
smoke
 effortlessly
due to
 the reason that they can afford it easily.
Although
, it will still
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 the
number
 of
people
 who
smoke
.
To conclude
, raising the tax on tobacco potentially decreases the
number
 of
people
 who
smoke
although
 some may still continue smoking.
Submitted by gabriellakarin_ on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • impose high taxes
  • tobacco products
  • prevent
  • people
  • smoking
  • long-term addiction
  • less likely
  • develop
  • discourage
  • affordable
  • reduce
  • availability
  • market
  • financial burden
  • deter
  • young people
  • start
  • generate revenue
  • government
  • invest
  • anti-smoking campaigns
  • healthcare services
  • continue
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