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Band 4.5

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #habits #lifestyles #children #generations #people #effect #health
Compared to previous generations, it is evident that the habits of
food
 consumption and lifestyles of contemporary children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 changed significantly.
Consequently
, there is a growing concern that these changes might
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on their
health
. I am inclined to stand with the proponents. To
initiate
Verb problem
begin
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 with, many of the
health
 concerns
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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originated from the popularization of
fast
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the fast
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food
 industry. Fast
food
 is known for its
high-fat
Correct your spelling
high fat
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 content, which often
lead
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leads
show examples
 to obesity and is the major cause of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cardiovascular diseases. Studies have shown that the increasing diagnosis of type II diabetes is highly correlated with the amount of fat consumed, and is caused by the interference with our metabolic pathways.
Moreover
, the consumption of processed
food
 in our daily diet has increased strikingly in our generation.
Food
 was manufactured by adding various artificial additives and preservatives for better
flavor
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flavour
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 and for longer preservation, which would undeniably increase the burden
of
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on
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 our
kidney
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kidneys
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 and is detrimental
for
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to
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 our
health
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for our children in
Correct article usage
the long-term
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long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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. The development and modernization of our lives have
also
 altered remarkably. The invention of
Internet
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the Internet
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, in my opinion, is a
double-edges
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double-edged
show examples
 sword.
While
 it provides children a wide variety of opportunities for self-learning without physical barriers, the chances to suffer from Myopia and to access violent
contents
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content
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 has increased, which are both harmful
for
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to
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 their well-being physically and mentally. Another example of
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 lifestyle that
deteriorate
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deteriorates
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 children’s
health
 is that, with the rising of sanitation standards, kids nowadays have less opportunity to contact with pathogens.
Hence
, immunologists
has
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have
show examples
 come up with the idea of
hygiene
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the hygiene
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 hypothesis, which provides
explanation
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an explanation
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to
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for
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 the rising population that suffer from allergy and the increasing severance of autoimmune diseases. In sum,
it is clear that
 modern eating habits and lifestyles
has
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have
show examples
 many drawbacks for children’s
health
. Perhaps we should learn from the older generations for a healthier life.
Submitted by jessieiniar1202 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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