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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year. The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australian states.

#numbers #hospitals #australlan #year #ple #percentages #australian #states
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The table illustrates the quantities of
same day
Add a hyphen
same-day
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 and overnight visits in national and private clinics in five Australian provinces during the past year with the pie chart indicating
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
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 of day stays and night stays for
last
Linking Words
 year. In general, there are two types of
hospitals
Use synonyms
,
like
Change preposition
apply
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public and private and
total
Correct article usage
the total
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number
Use synonyms
 of attendance.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, each
types
Change to a singular noun
type
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 of
infirmaries
Fix the agreement mistake
infirmary
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divided
Add a missing verb
is divided
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as
Change preposition
into
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 general and psychiatric. As can be seen from the table, the
number
Use synonyms
 of patients
on
Change preposition
in
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 the 5 different states varies considerably,
for example
Linking Words
, the majority (5816 days) of patients belong to the public general sickbays in New South Wales
when
Correct word choice
while
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 the clients of private general
hospitals
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 in South
Australia
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 are rated just 560 days. Private psychiatric clinics were more popular in Victoria, Queensland, Western
Australia
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 and
in
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apply
show examples
South
Australia
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, but the clients from New South Wales
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
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 for a small
number
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 of people (213
daya
Correct your spelling
days
) in comparison to public psychiatric
hospitals
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.
Total
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A total
The total
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number
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 of stays
demonstrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrates
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 that New South Wales (6842) was popular among the states and the lowest for South
Australia
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 (2209). It is clear from the pie chart that public
overnight
Correct your spelling
oversight
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 and public same day, each of them
are
Change the verb form
is
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 rated 30% by illustrating them as the most popular in private and public
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hospitals, number, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stays" was used 3 times.
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