The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in

Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
The
bar
chart
below depicts the total number of males and females in
further
education
in the UK, which includes full-time, or part-time studies from 1970 to 1991.
According to
the graph, full-time learning is higher than part-time learning.
According to
the graph, part-time
education
for men was not stable as shown in the
figure
, starting with 1000 in 1970 and descending in unsteady movement to an average of 700 in 1991.
In addition
, the women’s
bar
chart
increased in a stable movement starting from 700 in 1970 to almost 1100 in 1991.
While
the
bar
chart
, in the
figure
for full-time
education
for men, began from the nearest 100 in 1970 and started increasing to 200 in 1991. The women's
bar
chart
started around a
figure
of 50 to 200
figure
in 1991. In conclusion, we could say that the men’s part-time
education
bar
chart
has decreased over the years.
However
, the women's
bar
chart
was the exact opposite.
Moreover
, the part-time
education
bar
chart
for both men and women has increased and reached the same amount in 1991.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, education, figure with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 7 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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