IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #fulltime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 below depicts the total number of males and females in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in the UK, which includes full-time, or part-time studies from 1970 to 1991.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, full-time learning is higher than part-time learning.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, part-time
education
Use synonyms
 for men was not stable as shown in the
figure
Use synonyms
, starting with 1000 in 1970 and descending in unsteady movement to an average of 700 in 1991.
In addition
Linking Words
, the women’s
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 increased in a stable movement starting from 700 in 1970 to almost 1100 in 1991.
While
Linking Words
 the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
, in the
figure
Use synonyms
 for full-time
education
Use synonyms
 for men, began from the nearest 100 in 1970 and started increasing to 200 in 1991. The women's
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 started around a
figure
Use synonyms
 of 50 to 200
figure
Use synonyms
 in 1991. In conclusion, we could say that the men’s part-time
education
Use synonyms
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 has decreased over the years.
However
Linking Words
, the women's
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 was the exact opposite.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the part-time
education
Use synonyms
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 for both men and women has increased and reached the same amount in 1991.
Submitted by elshamrifawaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, education, figure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time education
  • part-time education
  • further education
  • gender comparison
  • trend analysis
  • notable increase
  • decrease
  • consistent trend
  • educational patterns
  • substantial differences
  • preferences
  • evolve
  • societal factors
  • economic influences
  • accessibility
  • job market
  • gender roles
  • projections
  • implications
  • educational policy
  • workforce development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: