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Band 5

Some people believe that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare centers outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #health #service #companies #healthcare #centers
The radical demand of humans is good health,
therefore
 profit-making
companies
 should not
flow
Verb problem
rely
show examples
 on medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
Although
this
 phenomenon has a few advantages, its drawbacks are more substantial. On the one hand, there are several minor merits (of
this
 development) of the fact that
companies
 can invest their amount of money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 medical
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
. The first upside can be the condition of patient
caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
 better than public healthcare, which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 their healthcare to improve quickly.
Although
having
Wrong verb form
they have
show examples
 to pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive fees, they can be cured statistically,
thus
 the fact that the profit-making
companies
 should run into the medical
service
. Another beneficial effect is that private hospitals can supply a
lot
 of healing packages, which positively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 high-income
people
 who need medical treatment with a more advanced
service
 package.
For example
, a
lot
 of private hospitals in Vietnam opened,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help high-class access to
this
 developed
service
.
This
 can boost the belief that it is essential to run those types of
companies
 on medical services.
On the other hand
,
this
 development still has major downsides, which overshadow the aforementioned benefits. One drawback can be
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 low-income should not be provided the opportunity to
treat
Wrong verb form
be treated
show examples
 well. They can tend to overload work to cope with the high fees, thereby hurting more. If they
also
 do not have a small amount of money, their disease will get worse. Actually,
this
 improvement is harmful for a
lot
 of
people
, especially
people
 who just have a living income. The second shortcoming is having to pay a
lot
 of money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 healthcare to prevent poor families from having the opportunity to take part in various entertainment options. We can see that a lack of basic needs
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 tired
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work. It Is
bright
Correct word choice
clear
show examples
 that there are a
lot
 of disadvantages rather than advantages. To draw a conclusion, even though a small number of upsides can arise from
this
 phenomenon, its demerits are of greater significance.
Submitted by maitruonghongvan2403 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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