The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
The table illustrates the six networks from different cities as regards their age, length,
passenger
Correct word choice
and passenger
show examples
number who
using
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
it yearly.
Overall
, the oldest underground
routes
Fix the agreement mistake
route
show examples
in all networks was
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
city route and in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passengers,
Tokyo
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
the greatest
usage
while
London
again accounts for the longest distance of the network. In more detail, the newest group of routes
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
London
,
Paris
and
Tokyo
are have a significant number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
and users by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year.
By
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Tokyo
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is certainly the most used, with 1927 million
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
per year and almost over 50
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
of
Tokyo
systems
usage
in
Paris
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
London
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
less passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer passengers
show examples
than
Paris
, with under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
size
Correct article usage
the size
show examples
of
Paris
usage
while
There are the most distance, with 394 kilometers. Meanwhile, the oldest group have a lower number of
usage
and length of routes.
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
Los Angeles network is the newest, having opened in 2001
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
The second new system is Kyoto launched in 1981 which there
also
are shortest with 11 kilometers of route.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words london, tokyo, usage, paris with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • chronologically
  • significance
  • correlation
  • discrepancies
  • outliers
  • extensive network
  • limited network
  • urban sprawl
  • efficiency
  • hypothesize
  • passenger numbers
  • kilometres of route
  • date opened
  • major cities
  • data analysis
  • comparative analysis
  • historical context
  • speculate
  • potential causes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: