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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
#data #railway #systems #six #cities #date #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions
The table illustrates the six networks from different cities as regards their age, length,
passenger
Correct word choice
and passenger
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 number who
using
Change the form of the verb
use
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 it yearly.
Overall
, the oldest underground
routes
Fix the agreement mistake
route
show examples
 in all networks was
London
Correct article usage
the London
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 city route and in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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passengers,
Tokyo
is
Verb problem
has
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 the greatest
usage
while
London
 again accounts for the longest distance of the network. In more detail, the newest group of routes
include
Wrong verb form
including
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London
,
Paris
 and
Tokyo
 are have a significant number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
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 and users by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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year.
By
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Tokyo
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is certainly the most used, with 1927 million
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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 per year and almost over 50
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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 of
Tokyo
 systems
usage
 in
Paris
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
London
is
Verb problem
has
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less passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer passengers
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 than
Paris
, with under
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half
size
Correct article usage
the size
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 of
Paris
usage
while
 There are the most distance, with 394 kilometers. Meanwhile, the oldest group have a lower number of
usage
 and length of routes.
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 Los Angeles network is the newest, having opened in 2001
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
The second new system is Kyoto launched in 1981 which there
also
 are shortest with 11 kilometers of route.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, tokyo, usage, paris with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • chronologically
  • significance
  • correlation
  • discrepancies
  • outliers
  • extensive network
  • limited network
  • urban sprawl
  • efficiency
  • hypothesize
  • passenger numbers
  • kilometres of route
  • date opened
  • major cities
  • data analysis
  • comparative analysis
  • historical context
  • speculate
  • potential causes
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