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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
#data #railway #systems #six #cities #date #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions
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The table illustrates the six networks from different cities as regards their age, length,
passenger
Correct word choice
and passenger
show examples
 number who
using
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 it yearly.
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest underground
routes
Fix the agreement mistake
route
show examples
 in all networks was
Use synonyms
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 city route and in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passengers,
Tokyo
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the greatest
usage
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
 again accounts for the longest distance of the network. In more detail, the newest group of routes
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
London
Use synonyms
,
Paris
Use synonyms
 and
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 are have a significant number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 and users by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year.
By
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Tokyo
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is certainly the most used, with 1927 million
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 per year and almost over 50
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 of
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 systems
usage
Use synonyms
 in
Paris
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
less passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer passengers
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 than
Paris
Use synonyms
, with under
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
size
Correct article usage
the size
show examples
 of
Paris
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 There are the most distance, with 394 kilometers. Meanwhile, the oldest group have a lower number of
usage
Use synonyms
 and length of routes.
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 Los Angeles network is the newest, having opened in 2001
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
The second new system is Kyoto launched in 1981 which there
also
Linking Words
 are shortest with 11 kilometers of route.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, tokyo, usage, paris with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • chronologically
  • significance
  • correlation
  • discrepancies
  • outliers
  • extensive network
  • limited network
  • urban sprawl
  • efficiency
  • hypothesize
  • passenger numbers
  • kilometres of route
  • date opened
  • major cities
  • data analysis
  • comparative analysis
  • historical context
  • speculate
  • potential causes
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