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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Art
Use synonyms
 has been debated in many ways since mankind began to think about what is the ideal curriculum for
children
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's education. Many people believe that
art
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 is a very necessary object to educate
children
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,
while
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 others believe that it's
wasting
Wrong verb form
a waste of
show examples
 time.
Overall
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, in
this
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 essay, I will have a discussion on both views and share my point of view
in
Change preposition
on
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 the relevant aspect. In my opinion,
art
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 is an essential factor in the educational
life
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 of the
children
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. On the one hand, some people think that
children
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 should be surrounded with specific lessons
such
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 as mathematics,
science
Correct word choice
and science
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. In order to prepare them for the business world and the harsh conditions of
life
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, they should be made familiar with certain subjects. To illustrate
this
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, if they are successful in mathematics, they can achieve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfactory
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 in their university or college exams.
In other words
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, if
children
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 want to apply to a highly recommended college, they need to make sure that their maths and science scores are at least at A-level in Turkey.
Therefore
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, some parents believe that their
children
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 should not spend their time studying arts subjects.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who try to learn some arts subjects can be more successful not only in their educational
life
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 but
also
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 as versatile personalities.
For example
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, playing a musical instrument can give
children
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 self-confidence and an invaluable advantage at the start of their educational
life
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.
In addition
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, research shows that
children
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 who can play an instrument can learn a foreign language more easily than others who cannot play anything.
In addition
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, the learning of the arts provides
children
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 with the ability to self-evaluate and self-discover.
Therefore
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, they can easily express themselves in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and it brings more academic success.
To sum up
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, despite
of
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apply
show examples
many people that
art
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 is a waste of time, a good combined curriculum with mathematics, science and
art
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 marks can
be provided
Wrong verb form
provide
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 significant promotion for
children
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 not only
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 educational
life
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 but
also
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preparing
Change preposition
in preparing
show examples
 them for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 complicated
life
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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