IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no useful purpose. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer. You should write at least 250 words.

#zoo #purpose
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Captivating
animals
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been debated for many years. Some people believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 provide good educational opportunities to
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others support that putting
animals
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cages is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quite inhuman and pointless thread. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, try to explain why I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 are
usefulness
Replace the word
useful
show examples
 places and should be closed immediately. From
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one point, some people think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 supply educational aspects for
children
Use synonyms
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, as well. To illustrate,
children
Use synonyms
 may observe
animals
Use synonyms
 and get familiar with them and their features and it gives them experience about their nature.
Hence
Linking Words
, animal documentaries and TV shows which are related to habitat cannot give proper
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
make sure
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 endangered
animals
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
any hazard
Fix the agreement mistake
hazards
show examples
 and
ensuring
Wrong verb form
ensure
show examples
 that they can survive for many years with
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 foods, treatments and welfare conditions. From the other point, keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in the cage is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
the crucial
show examples
 attitude for humanity. People should think that and increase their
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
 ability if one species which are superior
than
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 us had invaded our cities and
would have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tried to
captivating
Change the verb
captivate
show examples
 us in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cages how
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 we feel about the situation? I am one
hundread
Correct your spelling
hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 sure nobody wants to see them in the cage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in artificial conditions are cruel attitude and
according to
Linking Words
 the news many
zoos
Use synonyms
 have not animal welfare procedures and
animals
Use synonyms
 are suffering
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 lack of food and bedding materials. For educational purposes,
discovery channel
Correct your spelling
Discovery Channel
show examples
 and the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 nature documentary channels can provide adequate information about
animals
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
. All in all, because of the reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aforementioned above
zoos
Use synonyms
 have no logical reasons to continue their beings. Safari parks can be
much
Add an article
a much
show examples
 better alternative for educational aspects
instead
Linking Words
 of
zoos
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hburakdisli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: