IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. devlpt of techno reduces crime Devlpt of techn encourages crime

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, how to deal with
crime
Use synonyms
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 to be a controversial
issu
Correct your spelling
issue
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 life.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
redusing
Correct your spelling
reducing
crime
Use synonyms
depeond
Correct your spelling
depend
depends
 on
imporving
Correct your spelling
improving
 and developing
technology
Use synonyms
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it encourages
crime
Use synonyms
.There are some valid
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
, on both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 which will be listed below.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, most
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
thouth
Correct your spelling
think
 that
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
plays
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
imporatnt
Correct your spelling
important
 role
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 in society
hence
Linking Words
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 sectors should utilize sort of
technology
Use synonyms
 to
facing wtih
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 minimum trespass.
For instance
Linking Words
,
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 like AI can help police
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
finde
Correct your spelling
find
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
soon
Rephrase
as soon
show examples
 as possible
in addition
Linking Words
 infractions of driving
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 significantly tanks
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should help
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertising
 to use
safty equimpment
Correct your spelling
safe equipment
 for their houses,
cars
Correct word choice
and cars
show examples
 and
pursude
Correct your spelling
pursued
pursue
 to
purches
Correct your spelling
purchase
purchases
 and use it.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 can increase infractions and make
steal
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
 too easy.
For example
Linking Words
, tones and
tones
Capitalize word
Tones
show examples
 group
robbing
Wrong verb form
rob
show examples
 a bank with
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
technoloy
Correct your spelling
technology
 or
hack
Wrong verb form
hacking
show examples
 your personal
deta
Correct your spelling
data
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 transfer money to their own credit cards.
Thus
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 can impact
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and we must know about
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
 and learn how to deal
with
Correct pronoun usage
with it
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, when you
shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
show examples
 online you just buy things
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
famous
Add an article
the famous
a famous
show examples
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 and
avoidng
Correct your spelling
avoid
 to
purches
Correct your spelling
purchase
 anything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
an unkown
show examples
unkown
Correct your spelling
unknown
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,in my view development of
technology
Use synonyms
 helps us to live in
safe
Add an article
a safe
show examples
 place if
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 sectors and
people
Use synonyms
co-oporatte
Correct your spelling
cooperate
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 each other to
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 offenders and
redusing
Correct your spelling
reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: