IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computer are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#computer #education #people #trend #consequences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, as the generation is moving ahead and people are getting advanced, the
students
 have started using
computers
 for studies. So both
positive
Add an article
the positive
show examples
 side and negative side are discussed in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 paragraphs and
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
 my opinion is given.
Firstly
, some people say that using
computers
 for education purposes is good, they say
this
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
 now are the hub of sources and hub of information. On
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
Change preposition
on
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
computer
Add a comma
computer,
show examples
 a person can get any sort of information so,
this
 could be really beneficiary for the
students
 to gather more and more information and new things online only, and many times free of cost, another reason for using
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in future everything is going to work on
computers
, so if the
students
 know the
computers
 very well, that knowledge could be quite
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
.
However
, using
computers
 by
students
 could turn out bad
also
, like when a computer is given to a
student
 who is immature, and if he/she is introduced to the bad content which is everywhere online,
then
 the
student
instead
 of studying good things , he/she starts learning something which should be not introduced to them, that would turn out bad, like if a
student
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age starts learning how to hack,
then
 he/she would be on
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 path. Concluding that,
according to
 me there are more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negatives about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computers
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than positive, and we cannot generalise for every
student
, because each person is different, so
students
 should use
computers
 but after knowing the consequences it has.
Submitted by vrajgirigosai0079 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay addresses both views, but the response lacks depth and thorough analysis. Ensure that you provide detailed arguments for both sides and support them with relevant evidence and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the overall organization of the essay could be improved. Use transitional words and phrases to create a better flow between paragraphs and ideas. Also, pay attention to paragraph development for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: