IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that eating meat is bad for health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat #health
Some are of the opinion that eating
meat
 is bad for health.In my opinion,I believe that consuming
meat
 can be dangerous for our health only if it is done excessively;
otherwise
,it is essential for our well-being. On the one hand,consuming
meat
 is unhealthy.
This
 is mainly because consuming
meat
 leads to obesity. Many teenagers think that eating beef can make their bodies stronger,
however
, they do not know that eating too much
meat
 will cause fat.
Moreover
,it
also
 leads to high cholesterol .
Furthermore
,consuming too much
meat
, especially raw meats will cause sickness or some symptoms
such
 as fever ,vomiting,headaches and more.
Thus
, people should avoid
eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
 regularly.
On the other hand
,consuming
meat
 is vital for our health.First of all,
meat
 can prevent anaemia, so we will not be tired or feel dizzy if we eat more
meat
.
Secondly
,
meat
 provides us with important vitamins for the
body
such
 as vitamin B3,vitamin B6,vitamin B12 and so on.It can build up our
body
 to become stronger and healthier.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
having these vitamins in our
body
 will enhance our immune system and prevent us from being sick easily.
In addition
,eating
meat
 could build muscle, too.We can be fit and thick.Other than that,
meat
 provides us with protein for our cells.It can help your
body
 repair cells.
To sum up
,
while
 people may vary in their opinion,I think that it is essential for everyone to consume
meat
,but it has to be done moderately.If people eat raw
meat
 ,it won’t make you healthy
instead
 of having bacteria in your
body
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion: Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly stated and developed to better frame the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion: Supporting Main Points
The main points are supported but could be further developed with more detailed examples and evidence.
Task Achievement: Complete Response
Ensure that the response fully addresses all aspects of the task prompt and provides a well-rounded argument.
Task Achievement: Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
The ideas are clearly presented, but make sure to provide a more thorough and well-rounded argument to fully address the topic.
Task Achievement: Relevant Specific Examples
Good use of relevant examples, but consider providing more depth and complexity in the analysis.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: