More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?
Majority of people
relocating
to urban Wrong verb form
relocate
areas
from rural areas
for employment opportunities
. This
essay will explain reasons for this
notion such
as overcrowded city centre, mismanagement of infrastructure , law and order
etc and also
explain remedial solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
such
as grant
given by Fix the agreement mistake
grants
government
to big corporate to set up Add an article
the government
business
away from city life and availability of cheap Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
labor
in rural Change the spelling
labour
areas
.
To begin
with, firstly
, major corporate
have set up their Replace the word
corporations
business
in metropolitan cities
therefore
many individual
are migrating to these Change to a plural noun
individuals
areas
in order
to get better job opportunities
. This
leads to mismanagement due to
overcrowded situation
which Fix the agreement mistake
situations
further
leads problems
in Change preposition
to problems
maintenance
of infrastructure. Add an article
the maintenance
For example
, survey
conducted by Add an article
a survey
Delhi
Transport Correct article usage
the Delhi
department
indicated, Capitalize word
Department
from
Change preposition
in
past
few years, more congestion Correct article usage
the past
are
noticed Wrong verb form
has been
in
roads Change preposition
on
due to
cater spike in demand for working
population as more public transport and private vehicles are required to commute to offices. Correct article usage
the working
Secondly
, if more migration is expected in long
run Correct article usage
the long
then
this
will create difficulty for
managing law and Change preposition
in
order
by
authorities. If mismanagement continues to happen in future, Change preposition
apply
then
will lead to detrimental effects
To overcome from
Change preposition
apply
this
issue, there is strong intervention form
authorities Correct your spelling
from
are
required so that city life remains calm and peaceful. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Government
can take Correct article usage
The government
number
of steps Change the article
a number
the number
such
as impart grant
to big industries to set up their venture in suburban or remote Fix the agreement mistake
grants
areas
. For instance
, agencies should give leverage to corporate
to start Replace the word
corporations
business
in rural by Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
lower
taxes as Replace the word
lowering
compare
to urban Change the form of the verb
compared
cities
. Apart from
this
, many advantages too in terms of cheap labor
and availability of raw materials in rural Change the spelling
labour
areas
. All these facilities, give ample atmosphere to start business
in remote Add an article
a business
location
easily.
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
To conclude
, more migration from agricultural
sector to Add an article
the agricultural
cities
for
search of jobs Change preposition
in
which
leads to Correct pronoun usage
apply
misbalance
in population control measures which Correct article usage
a misbalance
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
negatives
effects Change the noun form
negative
in
society, infrastructure and law and Change preposition
on
order
in metropolitan cities
. Therefore
, it is imperative to take immediate measures by agencies to provide better opportunities
in rural areas
so that one can get better employment opportunities
in these areas
.Submitted by deep.amans86 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task. It needs to provide a clear response to both consequences and solutions of people moving from agricultural background to cities for employment opportunities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the logical structure of the essay is not well-maintained. There is a need for better organization and coherence between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay lacks advanced vocabulary and relies heavily on basic vocabulary. There is also a lack of variety in word choice and significant inaccuracies.
Grammatical Range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay. It is important to work on sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and subject-verb agreement.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...