IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phones #places
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Recently, the issue
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
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 been brought into focus is whether the government should be restricted. Some
people
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 believe that using
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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phones
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 is harmful
for
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to
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 their health, but others say that it is a special device that helps them reduce time to do a job. In my opinion, using cell
phones
Use synonyms
 has many benefits and is very different from smoking which just has detrimental effects on
people
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’s health. No one can deny the fact that without mobile
phones
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, individuals become unconnected with society and the world. Most mobile
phones
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 nowadays usually have internet
such
Linking Words
 as 3G,
4G
Correct word choice
and 4G
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. It makes economic progress through online shopping and promotions. The most familiar example of
this
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 is the employer can
found
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find
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 the qualities
employees
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of employees
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 with a post on
the
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apply
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facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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.
However
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, overuse
mobile
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of mobile
show examples
 phone
also
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 give disadvantage
such
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 as not
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 time for
people
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of
Change preposition
in
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 their family. It can
also
Linking Words
 be argued that information has been accessed faster than before. It is easy to learn on the internet by cell
phones
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. A better example can be provided by many platforms share have provided the chance for young
people
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 to learn a new major that was very difficult in the past.
However
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, the rate of juvenile crime
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 increased over the past 10 years because of affection from famous
people
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 on the internet. In conclusion, mobile
phones
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 can be useful depending on the way
people
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 use them. It
so
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is so
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 different
with
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from
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 smoking which just
harm
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harms
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to
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apply
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their health.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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coherence cohesion
Include more evidence and examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and strengthen your overall response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position on the topic. This will help provide a clear focus for your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary range to express your ideas more precisely. This will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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