IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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It
is sometimes state
Change the verb form
is sometimes stated
show examples
 that parents
is
Change the verb form
are
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 in charge
to teach
Change preposition
of teaching
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children
Use synonyms
 to be good members of society. Meanwhile, the alternative view is that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have the responsibility to do
this
Linking Words
. Personally, I agree with the former argument because
children
Use synonyms
 will be
surrounding
Wrong verb form
surrounded
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 by family
first
Use synonyms
 to create their personality. It is somewhat true that school is the place to build
character
Add an article
the character
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 of the
children
Use synonyms
.
In here
Change preposition
Here
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, all of
kids
Add an article
the kids
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 can learn side-by-side with their
same age
Add a hyphen
same-age
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 friends which can help them to know how to act in the environment.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a kid playing slide;
however
Linking Words
, other kids
came
Wrong verb form
come
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in to
Join the words
into
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playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 together,
in
Correct word choice
and in
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this
Linking Words
circumstances
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstance
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 they will alternately use
slide
Add an article
the slide
a slide
show examples
. Basically,
this
Linking Words
 will come up
Change preposition
as the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good idea and practice in
real
Add an article
the real
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 world.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 people who assert that the one
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 care of the
children
Use synonyms
 should teach their kids
first
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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know how to treat right because they are the
first
Use synonyms
 people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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saw
Wrong verb form
see
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baby
Correct article usage
a baby
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 growing
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
toddler
Correct article usage
a toddler
show examples
. Family want the good for their little pumpkin, so the
first
Use synonyms
 thing coming
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their head is must
be give
Change the verb form
give
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perfect
Correct article usage
the perfect
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 figure for them because if not start from the beginning, it will be hard to change personality sooner.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will bring them to good character so that can
be approve
Change the verb form
be approved
show examples
 in society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some believe traits can
be construct
Change the verb form
be constructed
show examples
 later by educational place, I firmly accept
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 have to be learned
since in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the earliest.
Submitted by heyyo on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: