IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, overweight status become more popular all over the world. Everyone
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 high food prices will prevent
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
. In my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, there are more reasons
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Lacking
Replace the word
Lack
show examples
 of work out is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important factor. The body creates energy when we eat food and
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 them when we work out.
Body paragraph 2
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
 society today,
people
Use synonyms
 eat
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
food and don’t do exercise
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to excess fat
accumulated
Wrong verb form
accumulating
show examples
 in the body
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in
people
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 overweight.We can conclude that less
work out
Correct your spelling
workout
show examples
 will help easily catch overweight.
Body paragraph 3
In stead
Correct your spelling
Instead
show examples
 of
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the price of high fat products,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should annouces
people
Use synonyms
 to join
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
walk,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 exercise,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 on.
Besides
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 should place many competitions about health and physical to encourage everyone
play
Fix the infinitive
to play
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 price
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 consumer
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 was much affected.
Body paragraph 5
Especiall
Correct your spelling
Especially
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 them
such
Linking Words
 as overweight or normal
people
Use synonyms
. With normal
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 they can need them to enjoy.
Although
Linking Words
,
overweigh
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
people
Use synonyms
wouldn’tt
Correct your spelling
wouldn’t
 be lose
controlled
Replace the word
control
show examples
 if they didn’t have them.
Body paragraph 6
For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, in
America
Add a comma
America,
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who with
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 high but the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 didn’t apply
this
Linking Words
 solution
instead
Linking Words
 of they organised many
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities and encouraged
people
Use synonyms
 to join
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Body paragraph 7
However
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from obesity. If they don’t have a balanced diet suitable, they can die or lose
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many other abilities.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the prices of
Add an article
the
a
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should encourage them
join
Add the particle
to join
show examples
 activities more and have a good diet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the issue and provides a preview of the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that there is a logical flow of ideas between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and accurately. Use a variety of sentence structures to add complexity to your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure. Review subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence formation to improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: