some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films shound not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People
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have held conflicting views about whether the government should restrict the
intensity
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of action
movies
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or let creators of these
movies
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continue to publish them. I believe that the authorities may ignore the
intensity
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of violent
movies
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and
this
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essay serves to prove my notion On the one hand, many
people
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want to limit the level of violent factors in
films
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for some reasons.
Firstly
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,
this
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content may increase in criminal rate, as adults watch violent
movies
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frequently,
their
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and their
show examples
mental may be affected by harsh activities in
films
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. Specifically, these
people
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can be convinced that using a gun or knife to kill others is legal and normal,
then
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they imitate these activities leading to more crimes.
Moreover
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, these
films
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have a negative effect on not only adults but
also
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the young, especially children whose cognitive is not developed enough. Similar to adults the children may copy these activities and make their classmates hurt so several regretful accidents can happen.
On the other hand
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, several
people
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still support the development of action
movies
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with a high
intensity
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. First of all, violence is the key to
this
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genre of
films
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so if these factors are removed they can not attract any viewers.
Consequently
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, there is not enough profit to develop the film industry so
this
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major can be collapsed.
Furthermore
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,
people
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who are obsessed with violence should opt for watching comedy or romance genres
instead
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of horror or blockbuster
movies
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,
hence
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they can avoid their obsession, and bad influence and continue to satisfy their watching
movies
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passion. In conclusion, some
people
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argue that authorities may restrict the
intensity
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of action
movies
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for harmful effects on society and children.
However
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, I am convinced that harsh elements play an important role in the quality of intense
movies
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and there are several solutions to address the risk of violent
films
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so it is not crucial to regulate them.
Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on

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task response
Develop your ideas with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks consistency in presenting and organizing ideas. Work on connecting sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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