IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the new-born. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #first #month #birth #new-born
There are several countries in which the government have allowed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 to take
maternity
 leave from their respective jobs after giving birth to a child. I opine that the pros of taking
maternity
 leave
outscore
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the cons. The following fragments will elucidate my opinion. There are numerous positive effects of taking
maternity
 leave for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
. First and foremost, the
mothers
 can take proper care of their
new-born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 child.
Initially
, the babies require proper nutrition and care when they are born. So I think that no one can take care of a baby, in the way the mother can.
Therefore
, it is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential that the mother of a
new-born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 baby stay with her child to look after him.
Moreover
, it will
also
 give an opportunity to the mother to spend quality time with the
new-born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 kid.
Secondly
, it will
also
 give some time to the
mothers
 to take proper rest after the delivery. The
mothers
 can get relief and can prepare themselves for the
further
 loads.
As during
Change preposition
During
show examples
 pregnancy,
woman
Add an article
the woman
a woman
show examples
 undergoes extreme stress both physically
as well as
 mentally. So
this
 short break
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
mothers
 to take proper rest.
Thirdly
, by taking
maternity
 leave, their
job
 will remain secure. In some countries, where no
maternity
 leave is given to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
, they have to leave their
job
 prior to delivery, struggling later to grab a
job
.
Maternity
 leave aids them to remain safe and they can continue their
job
 after the end of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 leave term.
Along with
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
maternity
 leave, there are some negative effects
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
. Families that are led by woman’s salary are the most affected, if the woman takes unpaid
maternity
 leave, it will put lots of financial strain on the family.
To conclude
, I reiterate that the cons are negligible as compared to the advantages of taking
maternity
 leave. The Government of every nation should make it mandatory to allow paid
maternity
 leaves to the
women
 during the first month after delivery.
This
 will be beneficial to the females in several ways.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: