There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

There is a significant amount of pressure building up among young people to attain success on academic

subjects

and the intense competition among each other is

one

of a cause for it. In

this

manner, some people believe that dropping out non academic

subjects

will pave the way to achieve greater results in academic

subjects

which is subjective. I strongly believe non-academic

subjects

should be included in the curriculum and there should be a balanced approach needs to be considered.

Firstly

, physical education is an important field to study since it teaches how to be fit through exercises and includes nutritious foods in the diet. If

one

person only gains prosperity in studies and deteriorates in health conditions, it will negatively impact his or her life.

According to

the learning Buddhism, having good health condition is the highest priority for a human, and when someone fails to maintain good health it will impact other criteria of their life. When pupils get an education on sports and other non-curriculum activities it will lead to fit their body and better mental conditions without stress and anxiety.

Secondly

, Cooking is

one

of the fields that practices patience for young people and the expertise in culinary is a unique skill.

Due to

the uniqueness, there is a shortage of

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

for those jobs and higher salaries for chefs in developing countries. As an example, a Chef in Canada earns $35-$40 per hour. So If someone looking to develop their career in cookery, it is

one

of a field that generates benefits in terms of monetary and non-monetary. In conclusion, physical education and cookery should not be eliminated from the school curriculum and it is important to illustrate the benefits to the students of attending the courses in those areas and provide necessary training and development. Q

Submitted by hashanf87 on Sun Oct 22 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

302 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food raher than food produced locally. Why do people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food.

some people think the Olympic Games are an existing event that can bring nations together. Others think it’s a waste of money. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that qualities a person needs to become succesfull in today's world cannot be learned at university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern techonologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?