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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

25.The bar chart below shows the number of people who visited different museums in London during different months in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

25.The bar chart below shows the number of people who visited different museums in London during different months in 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #people #museums #london #months #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph displays the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of individuals who went to the different types of museums in London from June to October
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors varied significantly during the
months
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in the History, National and British museums the quantity increased until August and
then
Linking Words
 decreased. Science
museum
Use synonyms
 started to drop
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 September. In June, the most visited
museum
Use synonyms
 is the Science
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 with approximately 430,000 visitors, in the next
month
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 fell by around 30,000, in August it grew again by 10,000, in the fifth
month
Use synonyms
 it rocketed to 500,000, but in the
last
Linking Words
month
Use synonyms
 it went down to 300,000. The British
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 started the period with nearly 420,000, it jumped rapidly to more or less 710,000 in August, but it started to decline in September and October to under 600,000 and 450,000 respectively. The History
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 remained the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors during the two first
months
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was approximately 400,000, in August it reached its highest point at 600,000 but
then
Linking Words
 it started to drop to 390,000 and 250,000 in the
last
Linking Words
 two
months
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the National
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
, had during the
months
Use synonyms
June
Change preposition
of June
show examples
,
July
Correct word choice
and July
show examples
 around 200,000 people, it climbed by 100,000 in the next
month
Use synonyms
, afterwards, in September it went down to 200,000, in the
last
Linking Words
month
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of people was still decreasing, ending the period with 180,000.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, months, museum, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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