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Writing Samples
Band 4

31.The chart shows the percentage of dependents in five countries in 2000 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

31.The chart shows the percentage of dependents in five countries in 2000 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar
graph
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 displays the
proportion
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 of
dependents
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 in
Japan
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,
Korea
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,
China
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,
Indonesia
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 and
India
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 in the
years
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 2000 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Korea
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 and
Japan
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 have the biggest
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 between both
years
Use synonyms
. The other significant feature of
this
Linking Words
graph
Use synonyms
 is that
China
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 and
Indonedia
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
 are very similar.
India
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 had a
percentage
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 of around 38% in 2000, which was 2% more than
Korea
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 in
second
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 place, which only had a
proportion
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 of approximately 36%
Indonesia
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 and
China
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 had the same
rate
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 35%,
while
Linking Words
Japan
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’s values was the lowest in 2000, which only had a
rate
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 of 31%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
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world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 average was nearly 33%.
Japan
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 increased its
percentage
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 of
dependents
Use synonyms
 to approximately 48% in 2005, but
Korea
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 made significant gains
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 their
value
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 by nearly 12% to just under 48% ranking as the
second
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 country with more
dependents
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.
Then
Linking Words
 is followed by
China
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 and
Indonesia
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 with more or less 37% and 36% respectively,
while
Linking Words
India
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’s
value
Use synonyms
 dropped by 5% to nearly 33%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 average grew
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 7% to just over 40%.The bar
graph
Use synonyms
 displays the
proportion
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 of
dependents
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 in
Japan
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,
Korea
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,
China
Use synonyms
,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 in the
years
Use synonyms
 2000 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Korea
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 have the biggest
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 between both
years
Use synonyms
. The other significant feature of
this
Linking Words
graph
Use synonyms
 is that
China
Use synonyms
 and
Indonedia
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
 are very similar.
India
Use synonyms
 had a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of around 38% in 2000, which was 2% more than
Korea
Use synonyms
 in
second
Use synonyms
 place, which only had a
proportion
Use synonyms
 of approximately 36%
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
 had the same
rate
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 35%,
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
’s values was the lowest in 2000, which only had a
rate
Use synonyms
 of 31%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 average was nearly 33%.
Japan
Use synonyms
 increased its
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
dependents
Use synonyms
 to approximately 48% in 2005, but
Korea
Use synonyms
 made significant gains
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 their
value
Use synonyms
 by nearly 12% to just under 48% ranking as the
second
Use synonyms
 country with more
dependents
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 is followed by
China
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 with more or less 37% and 36% respectively,
while
Linking Words
India
Use synonyms
’s
value
Use synonyms
 dropped by 5% to nearly 33%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 average grew
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 7% to just over 40%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, furthermore, overall, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, proportion, dependents, japan, korea, china, indonesia, india, years, percentage, second, rate, world, value with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "displays" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "more or less" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 4 times.
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