IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

44.Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is argued that
music
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 can create relationships between individuals from different countries and ages.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because
music
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 is a global language and people can like the same style of
music
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. Everyone can listen to
music
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 even if they do not understand the lyrics.
This
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 is because the melody of the
music
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 expresses easy emotions that can be recognized, like happiness and sadness. In the same way, all countries have different ways of composing songs, even though they use the same musical instruments and products, what makes the song special is the way they use these elements.
For example
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, it has been shown in different musical channels, that the piano keys which are Chinese and Japanese are different, so even the same song, will sound different. There are no age or gender restrictions about who can listen to a certain type of
music
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 and who cannot. When listening to
music
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 the important thing is the style of songs that someone likes, since there are several types. Maybe there are people of different ages who like the same style or are interested in the same singer or idol.
For instance
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, South Korea’s singer groups normally have fans all over the world from children of 10 years old to older individuals of 40 or 50 years old. In conclusion,
music
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 is a language that everyone in the world can understand, with no limitation in age and gender, I,
therefore
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, believe that
music
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 can force the bond between different countries, cultures and ages.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay can be improved by organizing the ideas more coherently. Consider using paragraphs to separate and develop each main point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and clearly state your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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