IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Music is a good mean to gather people from different cultures together. Do you agree or disagree?

#music #people #cultures
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It certainly cannot be denied that
music
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 is one of the excellent
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
show examples
 to gather
people
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 from different cultures together .
This
Linking Words
 happened mainly
due to
Linking Words
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people
Change noun form
people's
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love for
music
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 . In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 argument surely holds water . In the upcoming
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will give you reasons why I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 statement . There could possibly be a myriad of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 ,but here I would like to mention two key reasons.The first point that comes to mind is that In today's world
people
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 love
music
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 very much .So they listen
different
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to different
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 types of
music
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that is
Linking Words
 listening
every
Change preposition
to every
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 part of the world .
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 I belong to
Hindi
Correct article usage
the Hindi
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language
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culture
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 but I like
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
music
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alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 and I learn different
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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by listening
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music
Change preposition
to music
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 . And my favourite singer is
salena
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Salena
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 gomez .
Due to
Linking Words
music
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 I
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
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Change preposition
about western
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western
Capitalize word
Western
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culture
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 and can meet
with
Change preposition
apply
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English
spoken
Verb problem
apply
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people
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 .Another point worth considering is that
music
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 is the one activity which is quite popular and many
people
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 like to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
music
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 in their spare time and feel relaxed and chill because of
music
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 .
Music
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 connects different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
people
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 come together . Some
people
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 ,
however
Linking Words
 ,might argue that
music
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 is not connecting
people
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 because they don't think we love different
culture
Use synonyms
music
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 .A good example to explain is
Linking Words
this
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 normally
people
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 connect to their birth
language
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 more as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
other
Change the wording
another language
other languages
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language
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. In conclusion, different
people
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 might feel differently about whether or not
music
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 is the one that connects different
culture
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 pupils together ,and both
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
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seems
Add the particle
seems to
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 have valid arguments to justify what they feel.But , personally, I believe that
music
Use synonyms
 connects two different
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 together.
Submitted by ashishgulia404 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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