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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #individuals #want
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Nowadays,
this
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 is the information era, and
people
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 can see many advertisements in the mass media every day.
As a result
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, some
people
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 think that we are becoming the same.
However
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, I do not entirely agree with the view,
although
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 advertising influences
people
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. For one thing, society is becoming more culturally diverse now, and every person has own different cultural insights. We can select more lifestyles.
Firstly
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,
for example
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, we watch many other mobile phone advertisements on TV so that
people
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 will buy the phone they like.
Finally
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, advertising can help
people
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 to know more about different
products
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. Indeed, we can use other
products
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.
On the other hand
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, the seller sells different
products
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 to make more profits, and the advertising shows additional details. For one thing, if
people
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 hope to show the difference when they face other
people
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, at the same time, the seller must sell various
products
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.
Otherwise
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, their business will close. Another reason for
this
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 opinion is that the producer makes a different product to avoid competition so that they can get more benefits.
Nevertheless
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, I must admit that advertising can infect many
people
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 and make them do the same thing, but the function is minimal
instead
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 of giving
people
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 different choices. In conclusion, individuals usually like different
products
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 and cultures, so advertising shows more differences in benefits. Even so, we have the same ways of consumption, but we are more distant from other
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by erichardxin on

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task response
Ensure that all the points raised in the prompt are addressed fully, and provide a clear opinion with supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay into clear and logical paragraphs. Use cohesive devices to create a smoother, clearer flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated words and phrases.
grammatical range
Develop more complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word order.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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