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Band 5

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #individuals #want
Nowadays,
this
 is the information era, and
people
 can see many advertisements in the mass media every day.
As a result
, some
people
 think that we are becoming the same.
However
, I do not entirely agree with the view,
although
 advertising influences
people
. For one thing, society is becoming more culturally diverse now, and every person has own different cultural insights. We can select more lifestyles.
Firstly
,
for example
, we watch many other mobile phone advertisements on TV so that
people
 will buy the phone they like.
Finally
, advertising can help
people
 to know more about different
products
. Indeed, we can use other
products
.
On the other hand
, the seller sells different
products
 to make more profits, and the advertising shows additional details. For one thing, if
people
 hope to show the difference when they face other
people
, at the same time, the seller must sell various
products
.
Otherwise
, their business will close. Another reason for
this
 opinion is that the producer makes a different product to avoid competition so that they can get more benefits.
Nevertheless
, I must admit that advertising can infect many
people
 and make them do the same thing, but the function is minimal
instead
 of giving
people
 different choices. In conclusion, individuals usually like different
products
 and cultures, so advertising shows more differences in benefits. Even so, we have the same ways of consumption, but we are more distant from other
people
.
Submitted by erichardxin on

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task response
Ensure that all the points raised in the prompt are addressed fully, and provide a clear opinion with supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing the essay into clear and logical paragraphs. Use cohesive devices to create a smoother, clearer flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated words and phrases.
grammatical range
Develop more complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word order.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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