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Band 4

Some people say that mobile phones should not be allowed in public place. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #place
Recently, there
has
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have
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 been fierce debates about whether
people
 should be permitted to use their mobile
phones
 in public space.
Although
 the problem caused by utilizing cell
phones
 in public should be recognized, I am disagreement with the idea that they should be made
disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 from public places altogether.
To begin
 with, it is worth noticing that nowadays the inappropriate use of mobile
phones
 in public space has led to a great deal of trouble.
For example
, a great number of
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 used to watching videos on their
phone
 in loudspeaker mode in public transport, causing huge disruption to other passengers who intend to enjoy a quiet journey.
In addition
, the immoral behaviour of some citizens
to speak
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speaking
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loud
Rephrase
loudly
show examples
 on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
on
Change preposition
during
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 the course of some public events – meetings or movie watching,
for instance
 – has negative impacts on the smooth running of
such
 activities. These problems should all be taken seriously and dealt with properly.
However
, banning mobile
phones
 in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 can
also
 bring about great inconvenience to the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of ordinary
people
. For most of the population, a large portion of the day
are
Change the verb form
is
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 spent in
public
Add an article
a public
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 place.
Besides
, in contemporary society, cell
phone
 already acts as an integral part of
people
’s daily life, with an overwhelming number of important functions linked to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If during the process they are proscribed
to utilize
Change preposition
from utilizing
show examples
 their mobile
phones
, many severe problems would occur:
for example
, if a person receives an emergency
phone
 call in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
 place but he/she
are
Change the verb form
is
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 prohibited
to answer
Change preposition
from answering
show examples
 it, the result of
this
 can be acute and extremely adversarial. In conclusion, though government officials should come up with some feasible plans to reduce the negative impacts mobile
phones
 bring to
people
, it should not be achieved through boycotting the use of them in public spaces.
Submitted by 1762832590 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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