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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Nowadays, in a great
number
 of places across the world, there is a continuous exodus of
people
 from the
countryside
 to
cities
, which results in the decline of the rural
population
. From my perspective,
this
 phenomenon is worth worrying for the reason that it can have lots of negative impacts on human beings.
To begin
 with, an increasing
number
 of
people
 living in the city means the worsening of the scarcity of precious resources. A great
number
 of metropolitans in the world are over-populated, stretching resources like land and housing thin. With an influx of
people
,
cities
 will have to face even more severe problems in providing these provisions to every citizen.
In addition
, a larger
population
 equals more fierce competition in many other areas,
for example
, the job market and admission into a prestigious local school, since these newly-arrived
people
 are
also
 in need of these life opportunities. To make matters worse, the loss of the rural
population
 can lead to the insufficiency of work labour in the
countryside
, which will greatly affect all humans. These days, an overwhelming proportion of agricultural activities are still completed in the rural regions, resulting in a huge need for a workforce.
However
, most of the
population
 moving from the
countryside
 to
cities
 are young
people
, who are about to take on the responsibility of cultivating crops but dislike
this
 kind of job and search for other job opportunities. Because of
this
, it is likely that with the trend going on, in the future there will not be an adequate
number
 of labourers doing agricultural jobs, which can cause insufficient amounts of cash crops to feed all the
people
 in the world, bringing huge disruption to all the countries. In conclusion,
due to
 the detrimental consequences mentioned above of the tendency of
people
leaving
Change the verb form
to leave
show examples
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 for
cities
, I believe that
this
 is definitely a negative development.
Submitted by 1762832590 on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the given task and presents a clear position on whether the movement of rural people to cities is a positive or negative development. However, the ideas presented lack depth and could benefit from more specific examples and analysis. To improve task achievement score, provide more detailed explanations and evidence to support your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. The paragraphs are logically organized, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. However, to improve coherence and cohesion score, consider using more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay makes use of a variety of vocabulary, but could benefit from more precise and sophisticated word choices. To improve lexical resource score, try to incorporate more specific and academic vocabulary related to the topic.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and shows control over basic grammar. However, there are some errors in verb tenses, prepositions, and article usage. To improve grammatical range and accuracy score, carefully review your use of these grammar areas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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