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Writing Samples
Band 6

the two maps below show a park as it is today and planned changes that will be completed in 2020 summarize the information

the two maps below show a park as it is today and planned changes that will be completed in 2020 summarize the information
#two #maps #show #park #changes #information
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Two maps show the difference between a current
park
Use synonyms
 and a planned new
park
Use synonyms
 design which will be completed in 2024.
Overall
Linking Words
, the variety of activities will be available, and easy access to
this
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
 will bear true. In terms of facilities to play, the north-west side of the
park
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
, today, a football pitch exists, will be altered to be utilized for more general activities. In the
south-east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
,
club
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
house
Correct your spelling
clubhouse
show examples
 will be replaced by a cafe and restaurant, and will move to where
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 duck pond exists by removing its pond. The dog
park
Use synonyms
 will be demolished to make the ringed road be circle, whilst some of
trees
Add an article
the trees
show examples
 around its
park
Use synonyms
 will
be remained
Change to the active voice
remain
have remained
show examples
. The other trees' area in the north-east will be somewhat broken to build a car
park
Use synonyms
. Restrooms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the south side of the car
park
Use synonyms
 will be constructed, and free Wi-Fi will be available everywhere in the
park
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the water fountain and sheltered area will not be altered.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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