Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

An increasing number of
animals
opting to close to extinction has risen.
This
situation has a number of reasons and preventives that will be discussed in
this
article. One of the common reasons for the extinction of
animals
is climate
change
that happens around the earth.
This
extreme
change
in weather has affected not only humans’ bodies but
also
animals
.
This
causes
animals
to the inability to adapt, as the
change
happens quickly. Another reason that leads to the death of
animals
is the country’s ignorance. Rare creatures are often more fragile and they require specific treatments so they will be able to continue the descent, and the shadow of an extinction will slowly fade away.
However
, if the country does not implement a solid regulation regarding
this
issue,
then
there is almost no opportunity to save scarce creatures.
Moreover
,
this
situation will lead to another factor; which is illegal trade. Animal skin for businessmen is like an oasis in the desert; a prestigious material to create glamorous stuff. Not surprisingly, many species of
animals
are almost extinct, because the cause of it is not only because of nature but
also
because of humans’ silliness. Despite the obvious appeal, there are still spaces for people who want to save the
animals
from the loss. One of the preventives is to vocalize as loud as possible to save the
animals
from illegal plashing.
Animals
as living creatures have equal rights as humans to live, and they deserve proper lives. People could start a non-profit community focusing on animal welfare. Another thing to do in society is to decrease climate
change
as much as we can.
For instance
, society can stop throwing away rubbish by starting to recycle or reuse things.
Moreover
, they can start using public transportation
instead
of private ones.
To sum up
, it is our responsibility as humans to defend the rights of
animals
to live. Providing them with the best lives will lead to the balance of nature, and
this
will save the earth in the near future.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents an introduction and conclusion, which is good. The structure could be clearer by adding more distinct paragraphs to separate the ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and fully developed idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are generally supported, but could benefit from more specific examples and details to make the arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task partly, identifying some causes and suggesting solutions. The response needs to be more complete by ensuring all aspects of the question are fully covered. Make sure both parts of the task (causes and solutions) are developed equally.
Task Achievement
While the essay includes relevant ideas, they can sometimes feel general. Adding specific examples, statistics, or case studies can make the argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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