IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

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An increasing number of
animals
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 opting to close to extinction has risen.
This
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 situation has a number of reasons and preventives that will be discussed in
this
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 article. One of the common reasons for the extinction of
animals
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 is climate
change
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 that happens around the earth.
This
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 extreme
change
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 in weather has affected not only humans’ bodies but
also
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animals
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.
This
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 causes
animals
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 to the inability to adapt, as the
change
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 happens quickly. Another reason that leads to the death of
animals
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 is the country’s ignorance. Rare creatures are often more fragile and they require specific treatments so they will be able to continue the descent, and the shadow of an extinction will slowly fade away.
However
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, if the country does not implement a solid regulation regarding
this
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 issue,
then
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 there is almost no opportunity to save scarce creatures.
Moreover
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,
this
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 situation will lead to another factor; which is illegal trade. Animal skin for businessmen is like an oasis in the desert; a prestigious material to create glamorous stuff. Not surprisingly, many species of
animals
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 are almost extinct, because the cause of it is not only because of nature but
also
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 because of humans’ silliness. Despite the obvious appeal, there are still spaces for people who want to save the
animals
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 from the loss. One of the preventives is to vocalize as loud as possible to save the
animals
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 from illegal plashing.
Animals
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 as living creatures have equal rights as humans to live, and they deserve proper lives. People could start a non-profit community focusing on animal welfare. Another thing to do in society is to decrease climate
change
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 as much as we can.
For instance
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, society can stop throwing away rubbish by starting to recycle or reuse things.
Moreover
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, they can start using public transportation
instead
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 of private ones.
To sum up
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, it is our responsibility as humans to defend the rights of
animals
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 to live. Providing them with the best lives will lead to the balance of nature, and
this
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 will save the earth in the near future.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents an introduction and conclusion, which is good. The structure could be clearer by adding more distinct paragraphs to separate the ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and fully developed idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are generally supported, but could benefit from more specific examples and details to make the arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the task partly, identifying some causes and suggesting solutions. The response needs to be more complete by ensuring all aspects of the question are fully covered. Make sure both parts of the task (causes and solutions) are developed equally.
Task Achievement
While the essay includes relevant ideas, they can sometimes feel general. Adding specific examples, statistics, or case studies can make the argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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