Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Urbanization, where
people
from rural areas
move to cities
, is a common global trend today. While
this
shift offers better opportunities for individuals, I believe it has negative consequences for both cities
and rural regions.
First,
mass relocation to cities
leads to overcrowding, which puts a strain on urban infrastructure and services. Waiting times at health facilities increase and schools struggle to cope with large numbers of students. These problems reduce the overall
quality of life in cities
. For example
, I can name my city, before the war the number of people
was amazing, but when we went to the countryside, whole villages and streets were dying out because there was no one to look after the house, everyone moved to the city.
Second,
rural areas
are experiencing economic decline due to
migration
of young and working Correct article usage
the migration
people
. When fewer people
are able to farm the land and agricultural productivity is falling, and rural economies are stagnating. This
decline makes rural areas
less attractive, creating a cycle of poverty and underdevelopment.
Finally
, while
urbanization offers individual opportunities, it can lead to urban overcrowding and the decline of rural economies. So we should develop a more balanced strategy. Because in
the world there are many examples of crested Correct word choice
In
cities
, especially in China. In Shanghai, for example
, over the last
decade, people
moved from rural areas
to rural areas
, which led to a
huge economic growth, but Remove the article
apply
also
to the problems mentioned above. In addition
, the influx of people
has led to higher housing prices, which means that many cannot afford decent living conditions. Also
, such
overloaded cities
produce huge amounts of emissions into the air that contribute to global warming.Submitted by oleksandrrazancev64 on
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Task Achievement
The introduction should be clearer and more directly relate to the topic by stating your stance explicitly. It currently starts with some generalized statements. A clearer thesis statement will better guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point. This will improve overall coherence and cohesion. The essay could benefit from a more structured approach with clear topic sentences.
Task Achievement
While examples are provided, they need to be more detailed and directly tied to the main argument of each paragraph. This will strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion should provide a summary of the main points discussed and reiterate the thesis. It currently introduces new points instead of summarizing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Linking phrases and transition words should be used more effectively to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the impact of urbanization, covering multiple aspects and providing real-world examples.
Task Achievement
Usage of relevant examples adds value to the arguments made in your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.