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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
The diagram provides information about the modifications that
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 appeared at West Park Secondary
School
 since
it’s
Wrong verb form
it was
show examples
 established in 1950.
Overall
, a comparison of the three diagrams reveals a change in functional, urbanisation and modernisation ways. There were some significant
changes
 during 1950 and 1980 (the
school
 had become more urbanised and had some functional
changes
 by 1980). Afterwards, the building had had some minor modifications in
sizes
Correct article usage
the sizes
show examples
 of the spaces in the areas by 2010. It’s noticeable that the area
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 become more functional and adjusted to the
city
Change noun form
city's
show examples
 standards. The building had some minor functional
changes
:
it’s
Verb problem
it
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the status «Main building» in 1980. It can be seen that the
school
 invented the car park and science block in the north-western side where the houses were located in 1950.
Also
, the new sports field
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied the area of farmland
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the south-western part in 1980.
On the other hand
, the area had some
moderately
Change the adverb
moderate
show examples
changes
 and transformed in a practical way in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period from 1950 to 1980. The car park
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied the entire western part of the
school
. The
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 field was moved to the south-eastern part and reduced some space.
Consequently
, the
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
show examples
 was become slightly smaller than in 1980 and was relocated
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 western side than the sports field.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, changes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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