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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
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The diagram provides information about the modifications that
were
Verb problem
have
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 appeared at West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 since
it’s
Wrong verb form
it was
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 established in 1950.
Overall
Linking Words
, a comparison of the three diagrams reveals a change in functional, urbanisation and modernisation ways. There were some significant
changes
Use synonyms
 during 1950 and 1980 (the
school
Use synonyms
 had become more urbanised and had some functional
changes
Use synonyms
 by 1980). Afterwards, the building had had some minor modifications in
sizes
Correct article usage
the sizes
show examples
 of the spaces in the areas by 2010. It’s noticeable that the area
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 become more functional and adjusted to the
city
Change noun form
city's
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 standards. The building had some minor functional
changes
Use synonyms
:
it’s
Verb problem
it
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become
Wrong verb form
became
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the status «Main building» in 1980. It can be seen that the
school
Use synonyms
 invented the car park and science block in the north-western side where the houses were located in 1950.
Also
Linking Words
, the new sports field
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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occupied the area of farmland
on
Change preposition
in
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 the south-western part in 1980.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the area had some
moderately
Change the adverb
moderate
show examples
changes
Use synonyms
 and transformed in a practical way in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period from 1950 to 1980. The car park
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied the entire western part of the
school
Use synonyms
. The
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 field was moved to the south-eastern part and reduced some space.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
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 was become slightly smaller than in 1980 and was relocated
on
Change preposition
to
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more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 western side than the sports field.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, changes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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