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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.
#shops #country
The line graph provides information about the quantity of
shops
, which stopped working and started their business during 2018 and 2018. In general, it is noticeable that the
shops
, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 opened during the period of time, have a significant downward trend compared to the closed
shops
, which shows a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 fall in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
shops
. It was a significant decrease and,
on the other hand
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
started working
Add a hyphen
started-working
show examples
shops
 from 2011 to 2014 (8500
shops
 compared to 4000 in 2012 and 6000 in 2014). Afterwards, there was a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 fall in 2015 (from 6000
shops
 to 4000
shops
). A
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 fluctuation can be
also
 observed in 2017, which led to a slight decrease in 2018 (from 4000
shops
 to 3000).
On the other hand
, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
 had a slight fluctuation, which led to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 and increase in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
shops
 from 2011 to 2014 (from 6500
shops
 to 6700 approximately).
However
, there was a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 drop in 2015 (from 6700 to 500
shops
) and
Correct article usage
a sharply
show examples
sharply
Change the word
sharp
show examples
 increase in 2016 (from 500 to 5100
shops
 approximately). Afterwards,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 noticeable a slight fluctuation in
numbers
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2018, but the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
 remained stable.
Submitted by fedorusa2016 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
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