IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. Is this a positive or negative development?

In today’s
time
Use synonyms
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals prefer to marry and have kids at the
age
Use synonyms
 of thirty
instead
Linking Words
 of a young
age
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
phenomena
Change the determiner
phenomenon
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
totally depends on the person’s preferences, circumstances and mindset. I reckon
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development has more advantages because
at
Add the comma(s)
, at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of thirties, you are enough mature to tackle and afford all the expenses of your family. Marrying at an early
age
Use synonyms
 is risky because
at
Add the comma(s)
, at
show examples
 that
time
Use synonyms
, we have a childish mentality
along with
Linking Words
 not enough experience and knowledge about marriage life and its responsibilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
to choose
Change preposition
of choosing
show examples
 the wrong partner
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
 and will lead to marital distress.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we are more focused on our career and future goals at a young
age
Use synonyms
. That’s why, we might have to give up some of
ours
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 ambitions, dreams and
aspiration
Fix the agreement mistake
aspirations
show examples
. So, managing both things
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 problematic in
this
Linking Words
 case.
However
Linking Words
, in our thirties, we have settled
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 our jobs or businesses because of
this
Linking Words
, we have clear direction and enough knowledge to choose what kind of person we need and what we want our marriage to look like. We can see the world in the bigger picture and
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions
according to
Linking Words
 our preferences and choices. At that
time
Use synonyms
, we are
also
Linking Words
 enough mature and know how to
upbring
Correct your spelling
bring
 our children so that, they become role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for other’s people in future.
Also
Linking Words
,when we are in a position of financially stable
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we can provide better facilities, lifestyle and life standards to our upcoming family.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that when a person is financially independent and successful in their life
then
Linking Words
 it’s the right
time
Use synonyms
 to marry someone. Marriage is a huge responsibility and it’s our foremost duty to fulfil all the requirements and do
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 for our family to create memories and a healthy environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: