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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cites Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cites Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph provides information about how
temperatures
changes
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 monthly in
London
, New
York
 and Sydney and
table
Add an article
a table
the table
show examples
 gives data about hours of sunshine for a year in the same cities.
From
Change preposition
At
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
show examples
 we can notice that New
York
 has both the highest indicators of
temperatures
 in July and the lowest in
January
 and,
in addition
, more time of sunshine,
while
London
 has less number of it. Looking at the pictures in more detail, we see that points of Sydney fluctuate slightly. Specifically, it is around 25
degrees
 from
January
 to March,
then
 it is observed considerable fall, reaching 15
degrees
 in July.
After
this
,
temperatures
 go back to warming,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing significantly to 25 in November. And summary, the amount of
sunshines’s
Change the wording
sunshine’s
rays of sunshine’s
bursts of sunshine’s
show examples
 hours there is 2,473. Turning to
London
 and New
York
, cities have approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 trends. Between
January
 and the end of March,
degrees
 in New
York
 go up negligibly from 4 to 11, reaching
nearby
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 the same level
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
London
, which was 8 in
January
. In April weather in New
York
 rapidly shoot up, getting the peak of heat at 30 in July, which is probably
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of sunshine time
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2,535.
Change preposition
At the
show examples
The
Change preposition
At the
show examples
 same time in
London
temperatures
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 to 23, accompanied by annual hours of sun as 1,180.
Then
 in September and October figures equal in three cities at around 20-21. Afterwards, the weather returns to
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 points, to 8
degrees
 in
London
’s December,
while
 New
York
 is a little bit colder, having 5
degrees
.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, london, york, january, degrees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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