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Writing Samples
Band 5

immigration has become very useful these days what is your opinion about it

#immigration
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Nowadays, more and more children are facing overweight
problems
. Western countries are on the edge of
this
trend
 and they are trying to find causes and solutions. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to
hilight
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highlight
 some
reasins
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reasons
 and discuss possible ways to
brake
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break
show examples
this
trend
. Overweight
problems
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more
popular
Correct word choice
common
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 in recent decades all over the world, and
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 society leads
this
trend
. There are several main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 it,
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 junk
food
, the passive and unhealthy lifestyle,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
bodypositive
Correct your spelling
body positive
body-positive
trend
. The human mind likes high-calorie
food
, made from
shugar
Correct your spelling
sugar
 and fat, because it used to consume as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 calories as it can, but today
this
 junk
food
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 too accessible, and, sometimes, cheaper than healthy
food
.
Otherwise
, children
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack of active lifestyle and sports,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 spend more time sitting at the computer, because studies, entertainment and communications are
avalible
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available
 from home, with your PC or smartphone.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the modern
thend
Correct your spelling
trend
then
 –
bodypositive
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body positive
body-positive
 declares that everybody should
accapt
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accept
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 as
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 are.
This
thend
Correct your spelling
trend
then
 has started
from
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with
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acceptance
Correct article usage
the acceptance
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 of disabled persons, but today it
spreads
Wrong verb form
has spread
show examples
 to different topics. Overweight
problems
 increase
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
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 of diseases and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society
have
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has
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 to do something to decrease
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of obese children.
Thends
Correct your spelling
Trends
 in social media popularise
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that weight
problems
 are not connected to health and it destroys all motivation to do yourself better and to try to lose weight. To summarise –
this
trend
 is a serious problem for
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 society, but it is
also
 a new challenge for humanity.
This
 problem became noticeable just one or two decades ago, and I believe humanity will find a solution to fix it.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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