IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The older people who need employment have to compete with the youngest ones. Which problems can this create? What are some solutions

#people #employment #ones #create
The
elder unemployment
Replace the word
elderly unemployed
show examples
 need to engage with the younger individuals. The main problem is the rise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rates in unemployment. But
this
 can be solved by
motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
show examples
 the operator to hire
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
both of them for their business.
Firstly
, one of the prime problems is that the rates of
redundant
Replace the word
redundancy
show examples
 in most of the countries
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 higher and higher over time. Because the amount of individuals who
out
Add a missing verb
are out
show examples
 of work is huge,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the need for a job is high over time. Take Vietnam as an example, where middle-aged and elder employees have to struggle with the youth who came out from university to keep their jobs. But
this
 problem can be solved by
push
Change the verb form
pushing
show examples
 the operator to hire both older and younger ones. Because it will be perfect for the operator and even for the employee. The boss can have abundant human resources and the employee
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
show examples
 have to worry about
fired
Add a missing verb
being fired
show examples
.
As a result
, the older and younger will be equal and the rates of
redundant
Replace the word
redundancy
show examples
 will slowly drop. In conclusion, the older and younger ones have to compete for their job
oppitunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. But we can solve
this
 by giving more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 to get a job for both young and elder individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: