IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#people #part #health #survey #questions #habits #information #features #comparisons
The table graph illustrates the
number
 of
people
 taking the national health
survey
 about their sleeping habits from 2005 to 2009.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the figure for
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
drastically
 increased over
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the period
year
. In more detail, in the
year
 2005,
women
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 three times
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
men
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
stands
Wrong verb form
stood
show examples
 at 3000
people
,
besides
 in that
year
 the total
number
 of
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
 was about 8000. Next
year
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender rose significantly,
women
 from 6000 to 12000 and
men
 from 2000 to 36000, and
also
 they completed 48000
survey
.
By contrast
, in the
year
 2007,
women
 and
men
 had
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
number
 of
people
,
while
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
 increased to 64000.
In addition
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender turned to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
 about 270000
people
, and
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
survey
 rose to 540000. It is interesting to note that in the
year
 2008,
women
 came to the highest
number
 of
people
, around 331000
people
,
whereas
men
 decreased slightly from 2007 to 2008 by 1000
people
.
This
year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
survey
 came to 36200.
Submitted by kristy.liu910 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, survey, year, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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