IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table shows the number of people who took part in a national health survey between 2005 and 2009, answering questions about their sleeping habits. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#people #part #health #survey #questions #habits #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 taking the national health
survey
Use synonyms
 about their sleeping habits from 2005 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the figure for
Use synonyms
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
drastically
 increased over
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the period
year
Use synonyms
. In more detail, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2005,
women
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 three times
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
stands
Wrong verb form
stood
show examples
 at 3000
people
Use synonyms
,
besides
Linking Words
 in that
year
Use synonyms
 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
survey
Add an article
the survey
show examples
 was about 8000. Next
year
Use synonyms
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender rose significantly,
women
Use synonyms
 from 6000 to 12000 and
men
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 36000, and
also
Linking Words
 they completed 48000
survey
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2007,
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 had
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
show examples
 increased to 64000.
In addition
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gender turned to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 about 270000
people
Use synonyms
, and
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
survey
Use synonyms
 rose to 540000. It is interesting to note that in the
year
Use synonyms
 2008,
women
Use synonyms
 came to the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
, around 331000
people
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly from 2007 to 2008 by 1000
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
survey
Use synonyms
 came to 36200.
Submitted by kristy.liu910 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, survey, year, women, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: